She is all these and more!

18 Mar 2014 2 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Music of the Day – Dreams by Stevie Nicks

Link to lyrics – http://www.metrolyrics.com/dreams-lyrics-fleetwood-mac.html

Stuck in my own mind of visions of the girl I left behind so long ago.  She was put into a box, safe and secure, locked up for eternity, I thought.  But she cried and pleaded, the longer she was locked up.  She would not quiet her inner storm – longing to be free and become what she was meant to become.

And so, She wants her freedom – I will not deny that any longer!  Instead, I unlock the lock, open the box, and let her free.  She comes out shyly at first, wary of the world of which she is so unsure.  Is it safe?  At the first sign of trouble, she quickly re-enters her box of confinement – missing the known safety and unsure of what she may experience out there.  Out there, where the big, bad monsters conjured in her mind for so long could exist.

She opens her heart and with timid baby steps, she ventures to the unknown.  There is pain, but not like she felt in her prison.  This pain is something that can be held, examined, used for another time. She feels a burning within her – a shivering deep within.

She does not go back into the box.  Instead, she squats on the ground, waiting just as her primal Mother before her. Anticipating something – she knows not what it is.

Suddenly, an opening and her wings burst forth.  She feels the fire of longing and passion beneath her feet.  She stands – opens her arms, her wings.  And out of the fire, she soars – the phoenix rising from the ashes.  She flies into the air and the storm clouds head on – no fear.

Thunder causes her to tilt her wings, lowering back to the ground.  She lands on the mountaintop and waits, in silent knowing, that her time is now.  The rain comes but does not destroy her feathered wings – she is cleansed from the old fears and the old somber warnings. She knows – she understands – she accepts – she embraces.

She is no longer a prisoner – she is free! Free to be wild and true!  Free to become the magnificence of phoenix, yet this time is different.  She will not consume herself again.  This time she walks, flies, soars, swims, runs, and plays.  She is

            C – Coyote

coyote

            R – Raven

raven soaring

            O – Owl

Owl

            W – Wolf

wolf

She is all these and more!

Raven/Wolf – Run Free

13 Mar 2014 6 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , ,

Music of the Day – Keep Your Eyes Peeled by Queens of the Stone Age

Link to Music/Lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/queensofthestoneage/keepyoureyespeeled.html

Raw and dark are the images that come to me today.  Why?  Images of my life as I have lived it, loved it, embraced it, flow through the inlets and outlets of my mind. I need so much more than I have, oh, not because I lack or because I have not had enough. I have had love deep and felt loved more than most. But I failed myself, never allowing myself to experience all that I could have.

Fear held me back. Fear of losing the mask of “everything is great” and of being all right. Always doing what I thought was right, never just doing because I desired or wanted, and I led you through this journey. You, so trusting that my face and smile were what they appeared to be. Me, knowing that deep inside, it was never enough, there was more that I wanted.  You, not wanting more yet being the strength that could show me the way. You, finding your place of peace within me.

And, yet, always a hidden desire lurked underneath that threatened to expose me. Expose me for the woman I wanted to be, not the woman I was. So, I fought what I thought were demons, sometimes stretching your limits and pushing your boundaries.  But, fear stopped me, stopped me from being who I was meant to be.

And now, that woman is breaking free – wild and wanton – filled with passions unfulfilled, filled with dreams not realized, filled with desires not recognized. In free abandonment, ready to experience what she dared not speak. Eager to allow her passions to take her to a mountain she dared not climb.

You are afraid, afraid of this new woman that has entered your life. She does not blame you, she understands that she is different.  She understands that you want to hold on. She understands that this fear of losing her is inconceivable to you.  She is longing to be free and wild – yet you hold onto what has past.

She is Raven who has perched in her mind bringing her messages of what was to come. She is Wolf, alone and afraid in a pack that only understands her outer face, but not what is deep inside.  Wolf and Raven – together powerful forces – are calling her.  Her inner self is calling her to become who she was meant to be.

Don’t you know that you cannot hold Raven wanting flight? Don’t you know that she will fight with all she has? Do you not know that you cannot hold Wolf in chains when she want to run free in the night? She will chew her own legs to be loosed. The Crow takes flight, the Wolf runs free. Crow and Wolf are traveling together now in the woman you no longer know.

Will you let her experience? Or will you keep her chained to the anchor that is your security? Do you not know that allowing her to run free and wild, you will keep her with you.  She will never leave forever, just for a bit here and there.  She needs to feel freedom to expand and be.  You may add links to her chains so she feels she is free, but she feels the chain nonetheless.

She does not desire to leave forever, just to break free of the pack with which she travels and spread her raven wings to fly high above the lands. There is no other pack for her but the one she has traveled with thus far. This is a longing that travels deep within Raven and Wolf.  Will you let her stretch without tethers and give her sovereignty over her own spirit/soul?

Open to her now and learn from her the mysteries she will teach you, if you will just let her be wild and free – ready to experience what she has been so fearful of – until now.

White wolf and Raven