Music Muse of the Day – Together Again by Evanescence
Song link with lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/evanescence/togetheragain.html
Pain, loss, fear
Leaving behind what we thought was so dear (my words).
How often do we take what is so close to us for granted? And how often do we realize that what we love and hold so dear is precious when we don’t have it?
What speaks to me most this morning is the pain of leaving the true self in search of what would seem to be a more lovable and valuable false self. We let the outer world become more of what we desire rather than allow our inner world to be realized. We are told that we should look and act a certain way if we are to be desirable and loved. Some of us are programmed that way from childhood, and when we find that place in which we know our programming is false and wrong, we still believe the programming instead of believing what we know deep inside to be true.
There is a quote that is attributed to Marilyn Monroe, “I was never told I was pretty as a little girl.” That quote came to me this past week, and I took some time to think about what I was told as a little girl. Be ready, now. I am baring my soul here. When I was a little girl, I was not told I was pretty. In fact, I was told that I would never be loved so I should learn not to expect to find love. So, I grew up believing that I was not pretty or lovable or acceptable.
When that special someone came into my life and told me I was beautiful and that he loved me, I heard the words, but deep down just did not believe it. As a young woman, being told I was beautiful was not accepted and I always came up with a “yeah, but…” So, I threw myself into raising my kids and being a strong independent woman always trying to be pretty, but never believing I could. Always comparing myself to other women, knowing I could never measure up.
A life altering event occurred several years back that changed how I saw myself. From that point, I had to leave the old me behind – including the old name. Through the past few years of searching for my true self, I had to leave behind Terri. I found a world “where love and dreams and darkness all collide” just as the song said. The journey from there to here is spoken well in the lines:
So many fears were swimming around and around in my mind
Who would have dreamed the secrets we would find
Today, a bit of those fears still linger, but love is taking me back home to the little girl from so long ago. She will never be the same, but the new woman is here. I can take that little girl named Terri, and hug and embrace her taking her into Renee – loved, cared for, protected, and yes, we are beautiful!
Dancing Naked 