Let Go and Dream

18 Jun 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , ,

Music for the Day – Dreams by Stevie Nicks

Link to Music/Lyrics – http://www.songlyrics.com/stevie-nicks/dreams-lyrics/

Sometimes, in our lives we feel we have lost the dream we once imagined. We start off with these visions of where our lives should go and dreams of the most amazing events happening in our life.

Then we reach a certain age, and look back wondering what happened to the dreams and visions of that young girl who entered this life full of expectations of how things would be. I remember that girl – scared and fearful that the man she chose to share her life with would leave realizing that she wasn’t so great after all and that it was just an illusion.

I have reached that age when the children are grown and living their own lives. And I still have those dreams that remain strong and very real. You see, I just put them on hold for a while. I am still young enough to make them a reality and old enough to recognize how it plays out according to my own self-limitations, and no other.

I am pursuing the dream of writing, working on the dream of painting, and envisioning the dream of playing music. It’s all there – inside of me just waiting to blossom into what I had dreamed.

Many obstacles in my life have provided that which comes to life in my writing and painting. Poetry is just becoming another avenue of expression. The music? I’m thinking getting another guitar and re-acquainting myself with an instrument that saved my life in my early teens, besides the piano.

One thing that I have learned is that challenges and “players” will come and go, but those visions and dreams remain. I kept them to myself, but now, I feel the freedom to let go, throw them in the air, and see where they land! I cannot depend on any one person or event to make it happen for me. That is up to me, and I am on the edge of letting loose. I will jump and fly, landing where I land with the old expectations of the girl of so long ago with one difference – she has moved out of that scared feeling and taking the courage to step out.

I really do not know where this will take me, but I am open to the possibilities. I am open to embracing all of the amazingness of me! I am open to embracing where I am taken regardless of the path to get there, because I depend on me, and me alone, to make this happen.

Oh, that man I shared my life with that I was afraid would discover the truth about me and would leave. Well, 40 years later, he is still here. He knows the truth about me, and yet, he still holds on. Amazing!

Look in the Mirror

12 Jun 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , ,

 

Music of the Week – Mirrors by Justin Timberlake

Link to Music/Lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/justintimberlake/mirrors.html

There was a meme that showed up on my Facebook timeline this morning that said, “If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror.” This song by Justin Timberlake is another reminder of the truth of that statement.

We all have been in the place where we look outside of ourselves for that one person or one grass-is-greener moment that will bring into our lives what we want. And all along that person is the one staring back at us in the mirror.

What do I see when I look in the mirror? I see a woman, strong and independent, yet full of love and passion and joy. For the most part, that is how I feel, but I admit that there are times when I wish she would just put her hand out and yank me in. That is when life brings a hit-in-the-gut moment that just throws the proverbial 2×4 into my head.

What I realize in those moments is that the woman staring back at me in the mirror is worth far more than what outside forces would have me believe. That woman is the most amazing creature in the world, and I am fortunate that she is me! And in that moment, I know that those I let into my world are, indeed, fortunate to know me.

Not because I have some overblown ego or some unrealistic view of myself, but because I have knowledge and wisdom and life events that have molded me and made me who I am. Because I have had challenges in my life and have overcome them to become the amazing me that I am. And because with each event that occurs in my life, I take the lesson needing learned and allow the emotions to be embraced and experienced.

It is this moment of my life that I choose to share my innermost feelings and thoughts with you, those that take the time to read Dancing Naked. So, with that I say to you, Look in the mirror! Find that most amazing you that really is there. There may be times when you do not see the perfection of you in that mirror, but it is there. Allow it and allow yourself to experience what is in your life.

I am really understanding and loving the woman in the mirror, and I do not want to lose her. I refuse to lose her, and I will not allow anyone or anything to take her away from me. How about you? Will let you let your mirror image go or will you embrace it for all its worth?

 

Me

The Spark of Living

02 Jun 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Music of the Day – Into the Fire by Sara MacLauchlan

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sarahmclachlan/intothefire.html

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I have settled many times in my life for what I believed was the “right” thing to do – that which caused the least resistance and calmed the waters. And when I have done that, it is my own inner storm that rages inside building until the thunder rolls. I settled into an existence – not a life – because that was what was expected.

I often felt the fire creeping up, beckoning me to jump in experiencing fire and passion – life.

I say no, and I look back to see what I might have missed. Often I look back with regret knowing that I may have missed something that would have brought a spark of life into my very beingness. The times I have said yes were magnificent. So why say no?

Fear, moving out of my comfort zone are the only answers there are. I no longer wish to play it safe and do what others expect. I no longer wish to keep the waters still. Don’t make waves? Hell, no! I’m moving into the fire! I know there are risks, and I know that I will be pushed past my comfort zone, but it is into that fire that I become purified – whole. It is the fire that reignites what has been extinguished long ago.

I am an ever evolving woman and the masks that hid my safe place are falling off and burning away in the fire. I am becoming the me I want to be. It may be difficult for those around me that see me as they wish to see me, but they will become accustomed to me. At least, the me that no longer plays it safe. The me that lives her passion. The me that does not get burned by the fire but is filled with desire – with heart passion – with the spark of living!

Here Comes Another Spring!

30 May 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , ,

The Music Today is – Another Spring by Nina Simone

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ninasimone/anotherspring.html

I’ve reached an age when the children are grown and have their own families. I am fortunate in that they all live very close, so we are still a close family. I think we always will be. But, in this age I have reached, there are things that I am experiencing that I did not expect.

I admit this latest experience has thrown me for a loop, and there have been moments when I wondered, just as the old woman in Nina’s song, why I still bothered. And since that day last week when I got the call from my doctor, there have been moments when I questioned if this was some ridiculous karmic debt that had to be paid. Of was this some kind of cosmic joke to see just how strong I really am.

And then, I stop to think about my friends who have allowed me in the last few days to talk, empty, cry, rail, rant, and most of all hold me in their hearts. While my experience is not what a lot of people experience, it is mine. And it is something I did not expect. And the naysayers can talk and laugh and say I’m over reacting, but you know what? This is my experience and it is something with which I will live for the rest of my life.

This is not about the experience, it is about being grateful for my friends. Being grateful for people in my life who hold me in their hearts. Being grateful for my art with which I sort all kinds of emotions. Being grateful for family that knows and allows me to be frustrated but holds me anyway. Being grateful for my writing that allows me to sort through the words I want to say to express my heart and my vulnerability. And most of all, being grateful for the beauty and amazingness of me! My body may not function the way I expected, but it is working still and I can go on to dance, play, sing, paint, write, and be!

And like the old woman in the song? Here comes another Spring!

Raw and Vulnerable – Dancing Naked

29 May 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , ,

Music Download for today – Seven Lives by Enigma

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/enigma/sevenlives.html  http://youtu.be/A2s4PXq8F1M

“Seven Lives” by Enigma

Traces, many faces
Lost in the maze of time
Blinded by the darkness
That’s the start of the seven lives

It’s too close, but still too far
Follow your inner guide
Show us who you are (are, are)
In these seven lives

Follow your inner guide
Show me who you are
In these seven lives

It’s too close, but still too far
Show me who you are
In these seven lives

 

We all have many faces – those we share with the ones that are the closest and those that are hidden. What happens when the hidden faces emerge into those that are open? The shadow side becomes exposed, raw – out there for everyone to see. The trick is … Do the ones that say they love us really love us for all that we are? Or do they run and hide when hidden faces show those pieces of us that have been in the shadows for so long?

It is a given that those that stay without a question are earnest in their words and feelings. What is not a given is do you stay with yourself when those hidden faces emerge through the shadows, or do you run and hide from your own truth?

That is the most difficult to do sometimes. The challenge is to take each of those faces and really look deep into the eyes. Where is the belonging? Where is the home? The doubts – the fears – the scaries – they will all emerge sometime. What do you do when they come out to play?

Well, for me, I give them their own names and personalities and write them in books or paint them on a canvas. I look at their personalities and ask where the belonging is. Is the belonging to be a part of me or shall I hold and embrace that part of me and let it go? To be sure, there are faces that are scary or scared, but there are those that need to be a part of my life and a part of my beingness. Those? I give birth to, nurture, and if the time comes, I let it go. If it is to remain a part of me and my life, I love it as a part of myself knowing that this is what molded me into who I am at the given moment of time. It could change tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, or in years to come. It matters not because I am ever changing, ever evolving, ever becoming. I believe that when I stop, then this life will be over.

At this moment in time, several faces have emerged that have created a need to take another look at what I need. Some are difficult and have been buried for many years, even from the one that is the closest to me, and as I navigate through the exploration and realization of this part of me, there are some thoughts and feelings that just cannot be expressed. There are specters that appear attempting to undo what I know has been great growth. To those specters, I open my arms wide so that I can become who I am meant to be, finally.

And this is the whole point of Dancing Naked – open, raw, vulnerable. Take it in. Hold it. Love it. Tell it everything is all right.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meet Baubo!

19 May 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Baubo 1

Meet Baubo, the Belly Goddess! She is here to remind us that a woman’s sexuality is not a thing of obscenity and shame, but a powerful, creative, sacred place in which dreams are realized and created. We are all mothers that become impregnated with the seeds of our passions and dreams. We gestate those seeds and nurture them until they are ready to birth. Then we open wide and give birth to our fullness and our passions and our Beings!

We are Baubo, and in our bellies, we create, enjoy, and dance in wonderment at our beauty.

For centuries, we as women have been cast as seductresses and wanton creatures bent on the taking men down to a base level of beingness. It started with the story of Eve and has continued from there. The reality is that even Jesus loved women and held the women disciples in high regard, but men were jealous of our spiritual nature and our creative nature and continued the story of the evilness and dirtiness of women.

But the Sacredness of our own natures will not allow us to continue to believe that paradigm. Baubo reminds us of our beauty and that our sensuality is not dirty or base. Our value does not depend on what man says we are. Our value depends on what we know deep down inside. We are beautiful, nurturing, loving, and sensual. And we are good!

Whatever the Hell I Choose!

16 May 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

DSCN1830

 

Music Muse – Into the Fire by Sarah McLachlan

Link to Music/Lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sarahmclachlan/intothefire.html

I started changing – evolving – finding myself – about 6 years ago. One of the changes I knew that needed to change was my name. So many attachments and fears were attached to that old name, but back then I was unsure how that change would take place. After a few years of this name and that name and trying out how each felt, one appeared in my mind that, at that time, seemed perfect. But in the last three years, even that changed.

What I discovered is that as I opened myself to all of the possibilities and all of the personalities of my selfness, so did the way I accepted myself.  I am a firm believer that words, especially names, have great power.

As I listened to today’s music, Into the Fire, images were conjured of my struggles since the decision to change my name and the fire that has become a part of my being – burning away the old dross and purifying the new to embody what I had always held so deep within but kept buried in the camouflage of my masks.

Once I had accepted my new beingness and thought the name that had attached itself was set, BAM! Another change! So, I have come to this place of knowingness that comes from a deep longing and soul searching.

I have leapt into the fire. I feed the fire. I return to the beginning and those words that were spoken to me so long ago by parents that did not understand how powerful words are.

There is no compromise any longer – no acceptance of what others say I should be. I may still carry some of those old fears attached to my original name, but I have rested in the cleansing waters of the Mother. Those old fears? Now I lovingly embrace them because that little girl I left behind still needs to be held and comforted. She still is afraid of rejection and abandonment.

Abandonment. Ah, that’s the word that causes her to stir. But, as I take on all that my newness brings, there is a quiet strength that brings her comfort. Words that quiet her flames tell her that she is beautiful and even if those around her who do not appreciate her completeness and scoff at her struggle to find that piece of her that was lost so very long ago, she is perfect and whole. She is not broken – she is whole, lovable, and valuable. For those that cannot see that? They are not a part of her world any longer. She can make that choice. I can make that choice.

So, when I am asked by those naysayers and scoffers and those that do not understand, “So, what is your name today?” I say, “Whatever the hell I choose!”

Simply Am

17 Apr 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Music of the Day – If I Knew by Bruno Mars

Link to the music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/brunomars/ifiknew.html

This past week the message has been about knowing that we are not born broken and that we do not need fixing. This is an old paradigm that was taught to us from the beginning of the god of control, not the god of love. And it is an old paradigm that needs ending to move into one that acknowledges all parts of our selves – even those that were brainwashed into our heads that we are not whole.

Courtney A. Walsh, a writer I greatly respect, posts a lot of wisdom on her Facebook page about this subject, and I have to attribute the following image to her.

 

Dear Human by CAW

This particular song conveys a message of regret for things done in the past, but for me it speaks volumes of letting the past go. Know that in each given moment of time, we are always exactly where we are to be, learning and experiencing exactly what we are. Sometimes, it is so painful that it feels as if the very heart and soul are being ripped open, but it is through the ripping open that we can embrace ourselves and experience. The healing that spews forth from that heart space and from letting go of past judgments and whatifs, is what we create ourselves.

I compare healing not to fixing anymore, but to embracing all the stuff and making it my own. The judgment of good and bad should not even be a part of my consciousness since there is nothing broken or needing fixing. Instead, experiencing even the pain and loss – the hurt is part of our experience here.

I do not have any unequivocal answers to all of this, and there are days that I have very little wisdom. But on those days that I hold wisdom? Those are the days that I embrace each and every part of me. Those are the days that I allow myself to be whatever or whomever I am that day. These are the days that I simply am!

Let the Thing Go!

03 Apr 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Music of the Day – Daylight by Maroon 5

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/maroon5/daylight.html

Truth time! And you have to be perfectly honest with yourself here – I am! Even though this song is about a break up between two lovers, the energy of the song reminds me of how we hold onto those things/events/stories that no longer serve us and bring us pain. Yeah, we get so caught up in our stories and attachments that we just don’t want to let go.

Examining our attachments to thing/event/stories shows us just how much we rely on the story behind them and just how much we create a perfection about them. We get so caught up in the victim/it’s their fault story that we don’t see how much these thought processes are holding us back from realizing our greatness/awesomeness!

And when we see, really see, just how destructive this story is, we still want to hold on just a bit longer – just one more day. Why? Because this Thing has become a part of our own story and we are attached to it thinking that without it, we just cannot exist. There is a stanza in the song that says:

I never want it to stop
Because I don’t wanna start all over
Start all over
I was afraid of the dark
But now it’s all that I want
All that I want, all that I want

Isn’t that what is so scary about letting this Thing go? Starting over – recreating ourselves – realizing our own self-worth, self-value, self-love without the story surrounding the Thing! Yeah, it’s a scary place to face. And as long as we stay in the darkness of the Thing/Story, we feel safe! We do not want the daylight to come because then we have to really face letting go of the Thing/Story. And yet, we know it is inevitable that we face the Thing and finally let it go – release it.
And so, we hold on just for a bit longer to make sure that we are ready, “Cause in the daylight we’ll be on our own!” Are you ready to be on your own without the Thing/Story? I know I am!

 

Sing and Believe

04 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , ,

Music Muse of the Day – Love Away by Capital Cities

Link with lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/capitalcities/loveaway.html

It sounds so cliché, but the opening phrase of the song says it all:

Love, just love away
Just do it every day
Just do it every way

We get so caught in our daily stories, don’t we?  Oh, and we create such amazing sad stories and pity parties and focus on the negatives in our lives and in those around us.  When we forget what our primary heart Beingness is – to love – then we find ourselves in spaces of self-doubt, self-pity, and self-hate.  Before long, we have been sucked under in a vortex of despair, loneliness, and sadness ignoring what is so incredibly right in our lives.

I admit that there are times when I get so caught in the What Ifs and wondering what my life would be like if there were other circumstances, that I cannot “see the forest for the trees.”  But then, something snaps me back and there is that amazing forest in which the only trees that are grown are trees of love.  It is then that I remember my heart Beingness purpose – to love.  Nothing more, and most definitely, nothing less.

That means love for my teachers and the life lessons they bring, love for myself, love for my family, love for my friends, love for the great honor of sharing a life with the people that love me – even with those that do not love me.  I just figure that if someone does not love me, they just haven’t seen my expansive beauty inside – my heart Beingness.  And, quite frankly, it is their loss!

Lessons of love come in the most surprising places when we are open to receiving love.  I was reminded before my daily music muse post that I do not need anyone’s approval to know and understand my own worth and value.  Love Away reminds me that being open to receiving love brings belief in my Self, my world, and my heart Beingness.

Money, power, a man of means
Chasing down irrational dreams
But when you came along
I was freed of it
Throw your TV out the door
One, two, three, four, on the floor!
And if you sing a song
You’ll believe in it

Music has always been a defining factor in my life, and today is no different.  Love Away reminded me of the importance of experiencing love – each and every day.  Sing this song?  You can’t help but believe!  This would seem a natural segue way to Don’t Stop Believing by Journey – another reminder of belief in our Selves and our value.  There is a joke going around my circles.  “If I stop believing, will Journey be mad?”  No, but you will!

If you find yourself in the middle of not believing and being caught up in your own stories of what is wrong in your life, stop already!  Sing a song and believe!  And then,

Love, just love away
Just do it every day
Just do it every way