Did You Water the Grass?

01 Apr 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , ,

Music of the Day – Faded Away by Luke Bryan

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/lukebryan/fadedaway.html

Sometimes, in a relationship, especially a long term relationship, looking back at the very beginning brings memories flooding in about how it used to be. Two people meet, a spark ignites, and that most amazing chemical reaction occurs. Suddenly, it is as if there is no one else in the world, and the two become so focused on each other that nothing else seems to matter.

If the couple is lucky and decides to fall in love, then the partnership becomes about two people creating a life together navigating the sea of emotions that inevitably occur. Working through those emotions together can be ecstasy or agony, depending on the level of communication and dedication with and to each other. If the couple stay together, a partnership ensues, and hopefully, that partnership is a real commitment in which both work together.

Life then takes a very different turn, and events happen. Work commitments, family commitments, and life commitments can sometimes get in the way of continuing the first spark that brought the two together. If the couple remain dedicated and committed to each other, eventually, the partnership goes through a time of stasis. Nothing is particularly wrong, but neither is anything right. Both become complacent with each other and those little things that created the first spark fall by the wayside. At this point, the partnership becomes just two people sharing space together, and the way it used to be becomes a point of nostalgia and wondering if there is anything better out there. Is the grass greener?

This seems to be the pattern with baby boomer relationships and people in my generation. We fell in love, married, had a family, raised our family, and now the children are grown with their own families. The two are left wondering if that is all there is and if there could be more.
Ah, this is where the pivotal moment arrives. If both are feeling the disconnect, then separation may be the only answer; however, if only one feels the detachment, the other may want to fight. It is the fight that can bring the greatest reconnect. Remembering back to those moments of that first kiss, that first glance, that first embrace, and the first time together can bring those old feelings back. Then the question must be asked – is it worth trying again? Is it worth the work? Can our grass be saved? Will watering and fertilizer save it? The answer is not found quickly and must be reflected and asked many times.

If the answer is a “Yes!” then making the intent to fall in love again is the most amazing and fun way to re-kindle that old spark into a flame. Water and feed that grass! Taking the time to do those little things that feed a relationship – the touch of the hand; sending an “I’m thinking of you” text; turning off the television, computer, phone, etc. and really looking at the partner; taking the time to listen; taking the time to just being together – it is those things that become the catalyst for a new relationship.

Once the decision is made to stay together, take the time together to list old patterns that just did not work and came between the loving relationship. Making the commitment of refusing to fall back into old patterns is key to maintaining the newness just as committing to engage in new ways of keeping the love going. Rediscover each other and create new moments together. Relish these moments together because they are fleeting and fade away if not allowed to become a new history together.

Falling in love is a chemical reaction, but staying in love is a decision. Staying in love is a hard decision and hard work, and believe me, it is not for the faint of heart. Leaving is the easiest way to go, but it may not be the best for the people involved. Parting may be the best way depending on the couple, and it certainly is nothing over which to feel guilt, but if staying is what is decided, then a real effort and commitment is necessary to make it work. Communication is critical, and letting the other partner know what hurts or hinders the partnership is the most important act in which two people can engage.

What happens if the other just is not desiring to continue? That is a decision that must be made by both, and it is a decision that is very personal and never should be judged. But if both want to put in the effort, the rewards are incredible. There is a newness in love, and the couple can fall in love all over again, but this time, it is a decided effort in which both are committed to work and not just leave to chance. In the end, it is worth the effort, because there may not be better out there. There is a saying, “The grass is not always greener on the other side. The grass on this side is green because I fed and watered it.” Have you watered your grass today?

 

 

Release It!

11 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Music of the Day – Stand Back by Stevie Nicks

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/stevienicks/standback.html

Words are often so different than actions, aren’t they?  And that seems to be the greatest difference between a real connection with someone or ourselves and just a flyby connection.  What’s a flyby connection?

Well, let’s talk about that.  When we put ourselves in the mix of a friendship or love relationship, we make judgments based on our own experiences and what we see in another.  Often the person with whom we desire to connect reminds us of something either known in the past or something we want to know and experience.  Rarely is there just a connection based on no judgment.

We decide how much we wish to invest based on those early moments as does the other person.  There may be something that is missing at first that creates a need to hold back.  We may, or the other person may, say the words, but are the actions there?  Does the other person say words of care and should dos and maybes?  After saying those words, does she or he get so busy in their lives that they neglect building the friendship or relationship only to say later that they just got so busy they couldn’t find the time?  Do you do this as well?  This is a flyby connection.  There may be something there, but not enough to really connect at a deep level.

This is a time when release of the relationship has to happen.  If it just isn’t there, it’s not there!  Don’t continue to hold onto something just because there might not be another.

Now, let’s talk about honoring yourself in this.  If you are the one holding back, why?  What is it that prevents you from truly buying into this?  Release it!  Oh, we all have our flybys and our acquaintances that are part of our lives, but if it is a real connection you are desiring and you are the one holding back, really look at the reasons.  Pick up the rock and look at the underneath that sits in the dirt.  What purpose is served here?  Look for the purpose!  If you can find none, then release and walk away.

On the other hand, if you are the one putting it all in there and the other holds back, ask yourself why you stay?  Is there some need that you need to fill?  What is your purpose in this as well? Why can’t you let it go? Hope that it will change is nice, but rarely is there a change.  If the other person doesn’t feel it, you can’t force it.  Release it!  If staying is only causing pain, and you just can’t walk away, look at the need for that pain.  What service does it give you?  Does the other person remind you of someone in your past for which you need closure?  If that is the answer, then write about your feelings, talk to someone you trust, explore the reasons, find closure.  Then release it!

It is only through actions backing up words are true connections made, regardless of the relationship involved.  It is through coming to the table with impeccable words and integrity in the heart that true connections are made.  Look at what is not serving you and … Release It!

At the Door

03 Mar 2014 2 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , ,

Music for the Day – Anybody Home – Thomas Ian Nicholas

Link to Song (no lyrics today) – https://myspace.com/thomasiannicholas/music/song/anybody-home-67595522-74184386

I guess you get it by now.  A lot of the songs on my playlist are about relationships, but not all.  This one particular artist is an actor that was on American Pie and is now creating amazing music, like this song.  He writes his own music, and his music is awesome.

As I listened to this song, I thought of my own relationship and of all the times in our partnership that one of us just left and shut down for a while leaving the other wondering if it was coming back.  There was never a leaving the relationship physically, but emotionally, at times, the light just was not left on.  Standing there “at the door” the other was left wondering what would happen.  Fortunately, both of us are invested in this partnership – this marriage – that walking away would have been the easiest path.

But, we have been committed to stay – that is sometimes the hardest part of a relationship.  Staying when the other has already left at times feels painful and hurtful, but staying proving the commitment tells the other that the heart is still there.  Hard?  You bet it is!  But, in the end, if both are equally committed to make it work, it is worth it.  What results is a new found relationship – one in which both are there, not just one.

What happens if one leaves or it just does not work?  Then the attempt to stay teaches a valuable lesson and moving forward is the only path to take.  For myself, we have both always decided to stay and fight and through the battle and struggle to regain our territory, so to speak, we found a newness that was not present before.  That has made it worth it.

For my friends whose relationships have ended or are ending, the love and experiences shared will always be a part of their lives and something that will become a part of who they become.  There is no wrong or right in whether you stay or leave.  It just is and should never be compared to another.  I can only speak for myself and what makes me stay and fight when one of us leaves emotionally.  I remember the first time I laid eyes on him and I remember the first time he gave me that smile and that first kiss on the forehead.  Yeah, it’s about that!

I Choose Love!

28 Feb 2014 2 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , ,

Music of the Day – Walkaway by The Script

Links – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/script/walkaway.html

http://youtu.be/b31jx08y6To

Let’s talk about relationships – again! I shared yesterday that many of my friends are experiencing relationship issues. Remember?

lightbulb broken meme

Today’s music is one of those songs that, although there are some negative words sung, hits right at the reason we stay with someone we love even when things get rough.  And, you can bet that they will.  Believe me, I understand.  I have been married for a long time, and we have had our times of greatness and joy and of disconnect and sadness, and we stayed.

I don’t know why she’s with me
I only brought her trouble since the day she met me
If I was her, by now I would have left me
I would have walked away
But now I’ve broken away
Somehow instead she forgave me
She said a woman’s got to do what she’s got to do

I have heard my partner say this many times, and many times I have wondered why he stays.  We have agreed that we are either gluttons for punishment or just do not know any better, but we stay through the mess and through the dirty, nasty times.

I am going to bare my soul here in a way that I haven’t to anyone.  But, I want to share with my readers – you! Just in case you are going through the same.  There are times when I do not like my partner very much, just as I am sure there are times he feels the same.  That very first mind blowing, heart stopping love? That fades in and out as real life issues come up – it’s a fact, guys! But the staying together through the worst times? That is a choice – period. The easiest, believe it or not, is to leave – to walk away. The hardest? Staying!

There are times when I look at my partner and wonder why I stay.  And then there are times I look at him, and I see what I fell in love with to start off with.  It is those times that get me through the others.  It is those times that I realize just how important this relationship is to me.

We’ve been through a lot – he and I.  And I have taken him on many journeys just as he has me.  They have not always been great, but we’ve stuck together anyway.  What have I learned? Well, I’ll share with you here and now.

Even though I may not agree or like what is happening, it is my choice to experience it and learn and grow from it.  Buddha teaches us that life is struggles and that there is no bad or good – things just are.  The bad and good depends on how we react or respond.  Up to now, I have been reacting.  I am learning to respond.  My partner may not be completely in sync with my path, but I am supported from his heart. I choose to respond to that support.

That is what makes me stay. Granted, sometimes, it might seem easier to go it alone, but in the end, I would miss the guy that makes me laugh, drives me crazy, tells me I’m beautiful (even when I’m not), and loves me without conditions.  It is a very rare love that he has for me as is mine for him.  Today, I am grateful that he is my partner.  Today, I choose love!

embrace yourself

Fix the Light Bulb!

27 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , ,

Music for the Day – Say You Will by Foreigner

Links – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/foreigner/sayyouwill.html

http://youtu.be/pX2UIC5nM2I

So many people I know are going through relationship issues right now.  I am sure that there is a real energetic reason, and I do believe that there is a lot to be said about the mindset of consciousness right now.  We, as humans, are always looking for the bigger and better, and we are a throw-away society.

I saw a Facebook meme today that said, “If a light bulb is broken, you don’t buy a new house.  You fix the light bulb.”  Well, many light bulbs in relationships are broken right now.  There is no secret that relationships are hard, and there are times when both partners seem to be on completely different pages and opposite corners.  Most of the time, it is due to a lack of communication with each other and letting real life issues get in the way of maintaining the relationship.  And it doesn’t happen overnight.  Granted that there are times when both have just grown apart and the relationship has run its course.  But if the relationship is fixable and there is hope, then fix the light bulb!

It is important to take a good hard look at what qualities drew you to your partner.  Are they still there? Or are they hidden under some other issue that has risen?  What about you? What mindset are you bringing to the table?  Has life created what is impossible to rise above? Or are you just going through a change of attitude and lack of real communication?  Have you both just gotten used to each other and don’t feel the need to romance and say what you feel?

How much have you invested in the relationship?  Does it seem one sided?  A lot of questions to answer, but they are all important ones.  They are questions that are well worth the time to ask and answer for yourself before making a decision about your relationship.  Only you and your partner can know for sure what is right or wrong for you both.  No one else can tell you what the best course is, but know for sure that the time invested in working through your own inner thoughts is well worth it.

Maybe you are at a crossroads in this and need to make up your mind.  This song, of course, speaks of the desperateness a partner feels when the other is unsure, but it can speak for you in any situation.  Are you where you need and want to be? What can be done?  Whatever decision is made, make sure it is your decision and not someone else’s.  Make sure that you are listening to your own inner guidance.  To do otherwise would be selling yourself short.

lightbulb broken meme