What is This All About, Anyway?

18 Sep 2014 6 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , ,

No music today! What? Well, I wanted to take a little different focus with my readers today.

I have reached 100 followers on this blog, and I would love to be able to connect with more. But a lot of people may not realize what Dancing Naked is all about, so I am taking this morning to offer why Dancing Naked is here.

A few years ago, one of my good friends loaned me a book that got me thinking about my own life. The book? Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn by Kris Radish. I provided the link so you could get the book yourself. I highly recommend it. I won’t give away the story here, but suffice it to say that Kris opened something inside of me with her book and the story that made me realize I had lived a pretty fearful life.

Quite a few years ago, another friend who is an amazing photographer and artist called her studio Dancing Barefoot Photography. Add that to Kris Radish’s book, and visions of dancing free from constraints of my own making or from my own reactions to my external and internal forces starting building.

Now, being the ever fearful and cautious woman I have always been, I searched for a way to articulate my own inner feelings of discovery without giving away too much or seeming like a whiny, middle aged woman needing to garner sympathy and throw an ever going pity party.

Blogging seemed like a great idea, so the title of a blog and the format became a focus. I knew I wanted to invoke the word “Dancing,” but I was in no space to borrow from the hint of unbridled joy invoked by the word. After many phrases and titles, the only one that really seemed to fit what I wanted to create was “Dancing Naked.”

The title conveyed exactly what I wanted to share, but, me being me, I had to make sure there was no trademark on the phrase. I found one filed for a wine, but it was abandoned. Crossing my fingers and stepping out there, Dancing Naked was born October 6, 2010.

Posting was very intermittent, but going back and reading some of my earlier posts, I can see how far I have grown. Those that know me know that I have been in the process of changing my name for four years because of some very personal reasons. And as I have grown, that name has changed some. In fact, one of the earlier names still remains on my page.

But through it all, I have attempted to be open and honest with my readers. I have tried to take my readers with me on this journey. The past few years have brought some of the most difficult lessons, and up until last year, there was very little blogging done.

Last year, I started a series of daily blogs taking random songs from my playlist and writing my impressions. That proved to be the greatest challenge and awakening process. And now, I find myself going back to the music format, but needing to move forward.

So, I will take this moment to dance naked a little here. Ready? In October, I had a very large cyst/tumor removed from the base of my skull that was causing blurred vision, headaches, and dizziness. It was benign, thank the Goddess! But that opened my voice. I released what I felt was a giant yoke around my neck keeping me from speaking my truth – my real truth.

In May, I was diagnosed as a diabetic. Damn! Didn’t see that one coming. My beautiful new doctor made sure to impress upon me that is was due to extreme stress. So, a drastic diet change, the addition of pharmaceuticals, and amping up my meditation practice entered my life. In June, I was scheduled for a total right knee replacement since my knee was gone. That happened in July.

And now? Well, eight weeks later, I am moving and doing great! No more neck issues, my blood sugar is controlled, and I have a new knee! I still have some pain and limited mobility, but rehab has taught me a lot about myself. Mainly that I have been stuck in fear of doing the wrong thing for so long that I was missing out on a lot of joy and passion in my life. I was the need to step out of my ego and pride and move forward in my life with my passion.

My passion? Writing! Painting! Creating! So, here you and I are at this very moment in time together. Dancing Naked is my baby where I share my journey with you! Sometimes, it’s not very pretty, but it is honest, raw, and my truth! I would love to add more readers and share with more in the hopes that we can all find our way in the world to grow and feel free to Dance Naked once in a while.

I Want You to Stay

30 Jan 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , ,

Music Muse of the Day – Stay by Rhianna

Link to song with lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rihanna/stay.html

Since I made the commitment to do this each day, there have been some days when a random song from my play list that at first just doesn’t make sense.  Today is no exception.  As I listened to the song with the lyrics, I realized that my emotions greatly reflected the song.  Of course, Rhianna’s intention is clearly about a lover.  Mine?  It’s that connection to passions in my life that would be so easy to walk away from, but I would be lost without them.  If I walked away from those passions and dreams forever, a huge piece of me would die.  They live in my shadow self – that part of me that was put on a shelf so long ago, and yet remains waiting to become a part of my life once again.

I facilitate a monthly women’s group called Wild Women, and we have been studying Women Who Run with the Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes.  This past week was our January meeting.  The chapter was Chapter 8 about the baits and traps that keep us from realizing our passions.  The story was The Red Shoes.  In the story, a little girl desires red shoes but is too poor to purchase them, so she makes her own.  She is taken in by a wealthy old woman who burns her red shoes because they are not good enough for her new way of life – her new gilded cage.  The little girl gets a replacement pair of red shoes – all shiny and bright, but they are poisonous and make her dance and dance without rest until she finally cuts off her feet to be free. 

The handmade red shoes were her dreams and passions, and when she became trapped in that gilded cage of what the world said was right and perfect, she lost those red shoes only to miss them so much that she eagerly took replacements that were dangerous and caused her to become someone she was not – someone that society said she should be.  When she realized the futility of being someone that was not her true self, instead of finding a way out of it, she cut her own feet off becoming a shell of what she was. 

We all have walked away from dreams and passions for one reason or another only to replace them with what society says we should be and do.  I have, but in realizing the dreams and passions turned away, I call them back.  As I call them back, I ask them to “show me something!”  They say, “If you dare, come a little closer.”  I move closer knowing that there is a danger there that might lead me to a place that is quite different from who and what I have been for a very long time.  And yet, I know that I cannot turn away.  I know that my life depends on reconnecting with that passion and dream. 

This stanza speaks to all of us who are not living as we know we should.

It’s not much of a life you’re living
It’s not just something you take–it’s given

We have been given these incredible gifts and talents, and without nurturing them and allowing them to have a life, we have no life.  She says in the song:

Funny you’re the broken one but I’m the only one who needed saving
‘Cause when you never see the light it’s hard to know which one of us is caving.

Who is the broken one?  Our shadow selves – that part of us that is connected to the gifts and talents and the dreams that are waiting to come back out – the red shoes.  I want my red shoes to stay.  I know that I cannot live without them.  To my shadow self and my dreams so long ago put away, I want you to stay!

Been Gone Too Long

21 Nov 2011 2 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , ,

I can’t believe that it’s really been since August since my last blog post.  One thing that can be said about my life is that it is always changing.  In writing that, I know that I need to change that experience if I want my life to chill for a while.  But, I’m good with change, for it is through change that we grow the most and become our true selves.

It seems that days, weeks, and months fly by, and before I realize it, several months have gone by.  My past experience has been that things are always busy.  And they have been.  Busy is not necessarily bad – it’s now we react to that busy-ness.  It is how we believe that busy-ness.  Perhaps we see it as overwhelming, but one thing for sure is that we are living!

Life just is – to be experienced, lived, participated in, and shared.  I have learned many insights and grown exponentially.  I am living life as a fully active participant – not standing by and watching.  My intention is to share with my readers my experiences in the coming year so that we may walk this path together.  It is important to share my new quest path.  Why?  I know that many of you out there experience challenges and what could be perceived as setbacks.  I will share mine with you.  One thing about setbacks – they are not!  We may think that losing that job, losing that client, having to experience something that you thought was long gone are setbacks.  But, they are merely events that have occurred so that you can master a lesson.  These are amazing opportunities to grow and provide challenges to be what we desire to be.  So, the next time you feel slapped in the face with yet another “setback,” give it a smile.  Write it down.  Record your emotions surrounding this event.  Embrace those emotions.  Ask yourself one important question – what does the solution to this event look like?  Journal about it!  And this is important!  Allow for your process – don’t be self-critical and do NOT play the blame game.  Just process and allow yourself to grow with it.  That doesn’t mean you have to like it!  Grow with it!

So, where have I been the past few months?  Working at my new work, seeing clients at Earth Touch that I desire to see, preparing for 11:11:11, and being me being wife, mother, grandmother, and sister.  And to top that all off – I made the decision to go back to college to get that degree.  College is a life long dream of mine, and now I am living that dream.  I will say that it is a challenge to integrate my study time with work, family, and play time.  I am finding that I a lot smarter than I thought I was and I can write!  Fancy that!

I am living my life.  Sometimes, it’s not so pretty, but it’s my life.  I have had people say to me that there is always something going on in my life, and they are right.  Funny, though, I don’t think they are meaning that as a compliment.  Frankly, I have learned not to care about that.  There will be those naysayers that try to undermine growth and learning.  So, I let them have their say and smile to myself inside.  I am good with that.  I know where I desire to go.  I have created a map to get there.  And I have embarked on this journey with my eyes wide open.  I am ready to take that next step.  Are you ready to join me?  Fasten your seat belts – you are stepping onto my ride now!

I Honor My Mom

08 May 2011 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , ,

Happy Mother’s Day to all Women!  It is important for all women to remember regardless of where you are in your life that you are specifically empowered to give life – not only to little representative humans of your self, but to new ideas, lives, new creations of all forms.

As I awoke yesterday, the yearly ritual of honoring Motherhood stuck in my mind.  Once a year, we honor our Mothers.  Some would say we should do this daily, which is true, but the yearly ritual is here.  I have thought a lot about my own mother this weekend.  Shirley Lorraine Harper Brock left this physical world to enter the next life April 4, 2008.  She and I had been estranged for much of my adult life, making amends here and there through out the years.  But the last month of her life, she and I put everything aside and bonded again as Mother and Child.  Thinking about that now brings bittersweet memories.  It is just those memories that I wish to pass on here – not as a cathartic release, but because she came to me with her wisdom.

Yes, I understand that she is with me in spirit and living in her next life – either preparing to reincarnate or merely taking a breather.  Her life this last time around was a very hard life.  She signed a painful contract with many lessons for her to master.  There are times that I wonder if my own life is mirroring hers.  I never realized just how difficult her life truly was until the last two weeks of our time together, but that’s another story.  This isn’t about her life, but about reconnecting to her.

When I look at my own daughters, I look upon them with tremendous pride for the women they have become.  She did the same with me – I just didn’t realize it.  I was too busy trying not to be like her that I tended to focus on what I perceived as her faults instead of the beauty of her wisdom.  Now, without her physical presence in my life, I see her quirky little winks and hear her try to pass on wisdom that she had gained.  I saw it as something entirely different.  I saw it as being intrusive and though often, “Nothing I ever do is good enough for her!”  Sound familiar?

As I came into adulthood and starting raising my own children, I tried so hard to be the “Big Girl.”  When I would talk to my mom, it wasn’t to share, it was to prove to her how grown up I was.  When she would listen and give me her feedback, I saw it as her telling me what to do and that nothing I ever did would ever be “good enough.”  Now, as I have conversations with my own daughters listening to them talk about their lives and what is going on, I try to share some tidbit of what I perceive as my own wisdom.  Not to tell them how to “run their lives,” but to share with them some experience I have had.  You see, we mothers want to protect our children from pain and harm even though we know that you must live your own life, make your own choices, and live with the effects of those choices.  My intention is not to tell my daughters what to do, but to share some of my experiences in living so that I may perhaps in some small way give them insight on choices they can make to create a smoother path.  I see myself in them as they bristle at my words.  I hear the words, “Why does she always have to tell me what to do? ”  I also see them as I look back and see myself with my own mom trying to so hard to be the big grown up adult and prove just how grown up they truly are.  Yes, they are phenomenal women and have nothing to prove to me.  Quite the contrary – I see them and stand tall with pride at how wise and strong they are.

And, now I know that’s exactly how my own mother felt about me.  I see her now looking at me with my own children and life with pride and a love that surpasses all.  She tried to tell me in her own way, but I just wasn’t listening – too busy trying to prove myself to her.  In those last few weeks that I had with her, we truly shared and I listened.  We had such healing between us – we became true Mother and Daughter.

When my eldest daughter asked what I wanted to do for Mother’s Day, I said I didn’t know.  But, here is my heart wish for Mother’s Day.  And this is what I pass to all of you as you honor your own Mother today.  Cards, flowers, gifts, a meal together are nice.  But here is what I would do for my own mom were she here physically here today.  I would pick her up and take her to the beach or a lake with a picnic just for us.  I would have a lovely beach chair that allowed her to sit on the ground and support her back – important for my mom.  After a lovely lunch, we would sit and talk.  I would ask her about her dreams and visions of what her life would have looked like had there been no obstacles and she could have done anything she wanted in the world.  Then I would lay my head in her lap as I did when I was a little girl.  She would stroke my hair and talk about those things she desired for me.  And I would really listen to her wisdom with nothing to prove.  That would be my gift to her.

As you honor your own Mother today, remember that she loves you beyond words.  And she is proud of the adult you have become – no matter what!  Take the time to listen to your mom’s dreams and visions.  You have nothing to prove.  And yes, you will always be her little girl or boy – enjoy that feeling.  We all need to feed that little child within and there is no one better than your own Mother.

And so today, in honor of my mom and what she wanted when I was first born that was denied her, I sign my name with her choice for me.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

Diana Renee