Music of the Day – Faded Away by Luke Bryan
Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/lukebryan/fadedaway.html
Sometimes, in a relationship, especially a long term relationship, looking back at the very beginning brings memories flooding in about how it used to be. Two people meet, a spark ignites, and that most amazing chemical reaction occurs. Suddenly, it is as if there is no one else in the world, and the two become so focused on each other that nothing else seems to matter.
If the couple is lucky and decides to fall in love, then the partnership becomes about two people creating a life together navigating the sea of emotions that inevitably occur. Working through those emotions together can be ecstasy or agony, depending on the level of communication and dedication with and to each other. If the couple stay together, a partnership ensues, and hopefully, that partnership is a real commitment in which both work together.
Life then takes a very different turn, and events happen. Work commitments, family commitments, and life commitments can sometimes get in the way of continuing the first spark that brought the two together. If the couple remain dedicated and committed to each other, eventually, the partnership goes through a time of stasis. Nothing is particularly wrong, but neither is anything right. Both become complacent with each other and those little things that created the first spark fall by the wayside. At this point, the partnership becomes just two people sharing space together, and the way it used to be becomes a point of nostalgia and wondering if there is anything better out there. Is the grass greener?
This seems to be the pattern with baby boomer relationships and people in my generation. We fell in love, married, had a family, raised our family, and now the children are grown with their own families. The two are left wondering if that is all there is and if there could be more.
Ah, this is where the pivotal moment arrives. If both are feeling the disconnect, then separation may be the only answer; however, if only one feels the detachment, the other may want to fight. It is the fight that can bring the greatest reconnect. Remembering back to those moments of that first kiss, that first glance, that first embrace, and the first time together can bring those old feelings back. Then the question must be asked – is it worth trying again? Is it worth the work? Can our grass be saved? Will watering and fertilizer save it? The answer is not found quickly and must be reflected and asked many times.
If the answer is a “Yes!” then making the intent to fall in love again is the most amazing and fun way to re-kindle that old spark into a flame. Water and feed that grass! Taking the time to do those little things that feed a relationship – the touch of the hand; sending an “I’m thinking of you” text; turning off the television, computer, phone, etc. and really looking at the partner; taking the time to listen; taking the time to just being together – it is those things that become the catalyst for a new relationship.
Once the decision is made to stay together, take the time together to list old patterns that just did not work and came between the loving relationship. Making the commitment of refusing to fall back into old patterns is key to maintaining the newness just as committing to engage in new ways of keeping the love going. Rediscover each other and create new moments together. Relish these moments together because they are fleeting and fade away if not allowed to become a new history together.
Falling in love is a chemical reaction, but staying in love is a decision. Staying in love is a hard decision and hard work, and believe me, it is not for the faint of heart. Leaving is the easiest way to go, but it may not be the best for the people involved. Parting may be the best way depending on the couple, and it certainly is nothing over which to feel guilt, but if staying is what is decided, then a real effort and commitment is necessary to make it work. Communication is critical, and letting the other partner know what hurts or hinders the partnership is the most important act in which two people can engage.
What happens if the other just is not desiring to continue? That is a decision that must be made by both, and it is a decision that is very personal and never should be judged. But if both want to put in the effort, the rewards are incredible. There is a newness in love, and the couple can fall in love all over again, but this time, it is a decided effort in which both are committed to work and not just leave to chance. In the end, it is worth the effort, because there may not be better out there. There is a saying, “The grass is not always greener on the other side. The grass on this side is green because I fed and watered it.” Have you watered your grass today?
Dancing Naked 