How Long? (Warning: this is Dancing Naked!)

17 Sep 2014 3 Comments

by Camille in All About Me Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Today’s Music Muse – How Long by Matchbox Twenty

Link with lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/matchbox20/howlong.html

When love hits, it can hit hard! Regardless if it’s a new love or old love. There we are, just living life, and then, BAM! It hits!

If you don’t grab it and hold on, it could just pass you by. The feeling of wondering if it’s right or wrong can get so overwhelming that we just wait. Why? Let’s look at this.

What does the perfect love look like to you? Is it heart stopping, breath taking, palm sweating, fire in the belly romance or is it that comfortable feeling of someone who just gets you? Sitting together – sipping tea, coffee, wine, whatever – no words spoken. Just hand holding, looking at each other, enjoying just the feel of being. Why can’t it be both?

For me? I am greedy – I admit that I want both! I want that heart stopping, breath taking, palm sweating, fire in the belly romance with that special someone who just gets me. I want romance, soft touches, quiet words, loving glances, hand holding, just being together … and I want fire, passion, tear my clothes off, throw me down, and … well, you get the picture.

This is the deal – if you don’t have both, you’re missing out on the greatest human experience. We are sensual creatures made to enjoy the sensual side of life, but we are also nesters needing that deep soul connection to another.

Being raised in an era that frowned on the pleasure of sex and the sensual feelings, I grew up believing that it was wrong to experience the yearning of the physical desire for another. It was wrong to need that part of the human connection, unless you wanted to make babies. Especially as a girl!

I remember the first “talk” I had with my mother. Sex was not for enjoyment, but necessary to do my duty with my husband. If I enjoyed it, I was a slut. It was dirty, and not ladylike at all. But, if I wanted to keep my husband happy, then the best I could do was sit back, close my eyes, and wait until it was over. And, I had to remain a virgin until I married.

I remember watching “those girls” in high school and hearing them talk of their conquests in the same way the guys talked of theirs. And I also remember the tales and talk about “those girls” that could destroy a girl’s reputation in one second flat. I remember thinking then that if it was so wrong, why was it that the boys could enjoy it. Why weren’t they labeled the same as “those girls” and seen at outcasts?

Those thoughts, of course, were put away. I fell in love, married, and did my “wifely duty” as I had been taught. When my young and very handsome husband even suggested something out of the missionary position, I was aghast and appalled that he would even think of asking me to do something everyone knew only “those girls” did. After a while he stopped asking, and our sex life fell into a routine that held very little pleasure for me – even though, I pretended.

As I have grown older and become more aware of myself and my own sensual nature, I have found myself opening more. I realize and have become enlightened to the pleasure, sensual nature of the physical connection between two people. The more I have given into my sensual side and the desire to explore, the more I acknowledge my own beauty. I now know that I am beautiful and sensual, and yes, sexy. I am a sensual being made to experience pleasure and enjoyment.

My husband? Well, we are still together, and sometimes I wonder if he is ready for the new me. After waiting so long for me to awaken, I see him sometimes with a look of confusion on his face. But I suspect that he rather likes the new me, and this love we have?

Well, he still gets me and we still sit together holding hands, sipping whatever it is we drink, but I have grabbed onto the heart stopping, breath taking, palm sweating, fire in the belly romance, tear my clothes off, throw me down love! Yep, even now!

Meet Baubo!

19 May 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Baubo 1

Meet Baubo, the Belly Goddess! She is here to remind us that a woman’s sexuality is not a thing of obscenity and shame, but a powerful, creative, sacred place in which dreams are realized and created. We are all mothers that become impregnated with the seeds of our passions and dreams. We gestate those seeds and nurture them until they are ready to birth. Then we open wide and give birth to our fullness and our passions and our Beings!

We are Baubo, and in our bellies, we create, enjoy, and dance in wonderment at our beauty.

For centuries, we as women have been cast as seductresses and wanton creatures bent on the taking men down to a base level of beingness. It started with the story of Eve and has continued from there. The reality is that even Jesus loved women and held the women disciples in high regard, but men were jealous of our spiritual nature and our creative nature and continued the story of the evilness and dirtiness of women.

But the Sacredness of our own natures will not allow us to continue to believe that paradigm. Baubo reminds us of our beauty and that our sensuality is not dirty or base. Our value does not depend on what man says we are. Our value depends on what we know deep down inside. We are beautiful, nurturing, loving, and sensual. And we are good!

Be the Parade!

25 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , ,

Music for the day – Parade by Matchbox Twenty

Music Link – http://youtu.be/CvJDnvbnmH4

Lyrics Link – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/matchbox20/parade.htm

That feeling that if you look away, you just might miss something.  Remembering parades, you ever notice that in the parade, you are always looking back to see what is coming?  That’s how parades are, and if you look ahead, you just might miss something.  But that’s a parade – not life.  The only value in looking back is realizing the lessons that have been learned and understanding your “come from” so you can work on your “go to.”

It is in the letting go of that old song that keeps replaying.  Why stay at a parade that’s over?  What is the benefit?  Rob Thomas sings in the song,

There’s so much more that you need to work out
Oh no
You don’t want that parade to leave you now

Let’s remember the song!  Take it out and really look at why it keeps replaying in your head and in your life.  What is it that serves you?  What do you need to work out?  If you are caught in the same parade over and over again, and you just don’t want it to leave you, there is a reason.  There is something that is serving you staying long after the crowd is gone.  Perhaps there is an old thought process that needs releasing.  Maybe, just maybe, you’ve spent so much time at this parade that you don’t believe there is another one bigger and better.  Or maybe, you don’t believe that you deserve a bigger and better parade.  Or maybe, you’ve spent so much time watching the parade and not enough time in the parade.

Whatever the reason, meet it with no judgment.  Meet it right where you are knowing that this parade that keeps playing over and over is there for a reason.  As you are standing there watching the last float go by and last band playing, alone in your thoughts, maybe you just need to be in the emotion.

Don’t leave too early – not until you have worked out whatever it is you need to work out.  If you leave too early, you may miss the biggest surprise of all.  That surprise that shows you the joy and excitement of yourself.  Once you realize that each and every parade in your life brings a special joy, you can walk away and enjoy the next parade.  There are no bad parades – they are all there for you.  So, maybe instead of sitting on the sidelines watching, it’s time to jump in the middle and participate!  Become a part of the parade.  Then it won’t pass you by at all.  Maybe it’s time to let go of those old parades where you stayed long after they were over.  Maybe, you are the parade!

 

 

Parade

 

 

Be the parade

 

The Body Joyous

21 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , ,

Music Muse for the day – Feels like the First Time by Foreigner

Link– http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/foreigner/feelslikethefirsttime.html – (you guys really have to listen!)

This dance between man and woman is most amazing, wouldn’t you agree?  When there is a real connection between a man and a woman, there are those times that it feels fresh and new and the act of exploring each other is beyond imagination.

If you have been following this blog for the past few weeks, you will remember several posts in which I talked about the sensual side of the woman and how important it is to acknowledge that piece.  Well, I am going a little farther today, because, well, that is just how I feel led this morning.

Confession of this blogger today – remember, this is Dancing Naked – with truth for my readers on my journey so far.  I spent way too long suppressing the sensual side of my femaleness not understanding that it was the sensual side that made me feel like a woman.  I did not understand that being sensual was a natural and wonderful part of who I am as a woman.  The following stanza just speaks volumes about where I am in this time of my life:

I have waited a lifetime
Spent my time so foolishly
But now that I’ve found you
Together we’ll make history

The “You” I found is the reality of the sensual me! Yep, I said it!  I have discovered what embracing the female inside me can bring – a sense of empowerment, a sense of beauty, a sense of life, and yes, a sense of my true nature.  You see, we were created to enjoy the sensual side, and we were created to enjoy all that brings to us.  I have discovered just how amazing my body truly is.  I may need to lose a few pounds, and I may need to tone some muscles, but my body is the most amazing thing.  It responds to joy, pleasure, sadness, anger – all those emotions.

Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, in Women Who Run with the Wolves, calls the body joyous.  And that is what I have discovered – the body joyous!  Oh, don’t get me wrong.  When I look in the mirror, I still see those wrinkles and those curves and I still wonder what I can do to look my best.  The difference now?  I also see the body joyous! I see my perfection in the way I move and the way I feel.

I am a butterfly that has left the safety and security of the cocoon and is flying free.  I may falter and I may make some mistakes in my flight, but I am seeing myself “just like the first time!”  I attribute this to the support I have received and the love and guidance and acceptance to stretch my boundaries.

The door is open and I will never feel the old way again.  Regardless of where my journey takes me from here, I am most grateful to the one who has opened the door.  I urge my readers to allow the doors to be opened for yourselves.  If you have any doubts about your amazingness and beauty, ignore all of those so-called flaws and really look at yourself – just like the first time.  Embrace the sensual – embrace the wonder – embrace the Body Joyous!embrace yourself

That Pleases Me

19 Feb 2014 1 Comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , ,

Do I Move You by Nina Simone

Link to Lyrics and song – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ninasimone/doimoveyou.html

Ah, the soulful sounds of Nina Simone.  And this one?  Well, it just follows what the focus seems to have been for the past few weeks.  Questions that we, as women, ask ourselves and often our partners, especially when we do not feel what others say we should feel.  I am going to address those that are in partnerships or in relationships because that seems to be where this is going this morning.

I may not have asked my life partner this exact question, but I certainly have asked him if I was still sexy and beautiful to him.  I know that I am not the lithe sprite of a thing that I was when I first met him, but then, neither is he the muscular solid rock guy.  We are entering into that time of life when our bodies are beginning to show the years.  Funny, because inside I still feel like that beautifully toned and fit 30 year old inside, and then I look into the mirror and, admittedly think sometimes, “Who the hell is that woman, and what did she do with that young woman?”  And then, sometimes, I look into that mirror and think, “Well, you may have a few wrinkles and carry a few extra pounds, but you look pretty damn good, lady!”  It all depends on my wake up attitude.

We as women are given an ideal to which we feel we must measure up.  Even the commercials targeting the middle-aged woman are showing these women with 30 year old thin and toned bodies and few wrinkles on their face.  There is one older model that has long silver hair indicating that she is an older woman, but her body does not say older woman.  Where does this ideal come from?  And why, as women, do we continue to berate ourselves because we’ve lived our lives raising our families and doing what we thought we were supposed to do or be?

I am on a quest to tell women my age that we are all beautiful!  I know those words should strike pride, and yet, if you are even a little like me, they are met with disbelief or sarcasm.  We know we should think that, and yet, we look in the mirror and say, “Who the hell is that woman?”

Like I said earlier, I have asked my partner if I’m still sexy, and frankly, he gets offended at the question.  His reasoning is, “Of course, you’re still sexy to me.  I don’t know why you even ask me?”  Ah, there ya go.  That is manspeak.  As a man, he’s saying, that I am just as beautiful to him as I was when we were younger and that he doesn’t understand why I question it.  As a woman, I hear words that are trying to make me feel sexy to him because he knows to say otherwise would totally get him in trouble.  Hence, the words Nina sings,

The answer better be (Yes, yes)
That pleases me

What we want as women, guys, is to be made to feel sexy not just told.  And yet, does our value depend on what our partner believes or thinks?  It shouldn’t!  Our minds and thoughts dictate what we receive.  So, instead of asking your partner, look in that mirror, and ask that lady there, “Do I move you?”  If the answer is no, then start working on that.  If the answer is yes, then celebrate!  For me, I can ask that question, and say, “Yes! Yes!”  And that pleases me! Because today, I look pretty damn good!

What’s Yours?

13 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Music Muse of the Day – Dirty White Boy by Foreigner

Link to Song and Lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/foreigner/dirtywhiteboy.html

I love this process!  This morning as I opened this song, images of the bad boy – we’ve all known some – came into my mind.  Frankly, it was what drew me to my husband many years ago – he had the looks and reputation of being a bad boy.  But I cannot take this song so literal this morning because I am realizing that it’s not really the lyrics or the musician’s meaning of the song.  This process is about recognizing those pieces of myself that are ready to be released and explored.

So, what is the “Dirty White Boy” in all of this?  It is that part of me that is all me.  It is about owning my truth and knowing that regardless of my outward face, the inward knowing of who I am is valuable and worthy.  There is that “Dirty White Boy” inside of me – inside of all of us.  That part that knows that we are not perfect – we have flaws – we have imperfections – that people around us may not like or appreciate, but we know that they are all a part of our perfection.

I cannot speak for you, the reader, but I can speak for me.  I have a quick temper, and when I feel safe, I let it loose.  Well, sometimes, I let it loose anyway.  But when it’s over, it’s over.  The temper gives me passion and is a calling card for the fire in my soul.  I may be Pisces, but I am on the cusp of Aries and have Leo ascending – steam! And I am in love with that part of me because it’s fire and water and passion!

Now here is my struggle!  I have this tendency to put myself and my needs and wants on a shelf so that someone else can experience theirs.  I will put what I desire on hold even though it hurts inside and even though I know that I will hurt in the process, but I will sacrifice.  I have been accused of enjoying being a martyr, and there may is some small truth in that.  But I justify it in my mind that I would rather hurt than someone I care about.  It is not a healthy attitude, and one with which I struggle.  Maybe I enjoy pain?  I don’t know, but it is something I am exploring.

My story is that I am a caregiver and I fix things, so if I need to give up something for someone else, then so be it.  Yeah, see? We all have those things that need discovering and reframing.  So, that’s my “Dirty White Boy.”  What’s yours?

International Women’s Day

08 Mar 2013 Leave a comment

by Camille in All About Me Tags: , , ,

Today has been selected to celebrate women on a global level through International Women’s Day.  I was asked a question a few days ago how I was going to celebrate, and I honestly could not answer.  That we have selected one day to celebrate has been considered by some asking why just one day.  And shouldn’t it be everyday?  While there is some truth in that, I want to take a moment to really consider what this really means to me.  After all, I have lived my entire life as a woman, so I should have some insight, right?

I do believe that it is important to take a day to really call into mind just what a woman is.  We all know the Betty Crockers, June Cleavers, and the little woman in the kitchen baking cookies for her family with a smile and pearls dressed to go out on the town.  We know the Betty Friedans, Gloria Steinems, Helen Reddys, and those women who fought so hard for equality in the workforce and for an equal voice in life.   And I completely love and respect all of these women.  But, what I want to ask is – What is being a woman to YOU!

Here is what it means to me.  I am an equal partner to my husband.  I can be tough as nails when I need to be or soft as feathers when I need be.  There is no shame in taking care of my family, and there is no shame in pursuing those things that make my heart sing.  I can be proud of the sisterhood of woman even though often it seems as if we tear each other apart with our jealousies and envies.  I can be proud of those women who have stood strong all over the world to make a real difference.  And I can be proud of those men who have stood with them as they embraced their own strength through “their women.”  Even the phrase, “their women,” sounds a bit anti-feminist, doesn’t it.  We do not belong to anyone, and yet, when we acknowledge that we have a partnership in our life, there is a true connection that gives some ownership of the partner.  So, being a woman also means that I honor the man with whom I have shared my adult life, and frankly, I don’t mind being “his” woman because he is “my” man.

That is the most important piece of this for me.  Being a woman that is strong, independent, empowered, and attempting to be authentic in this life is about relationships – with myself and with “my” man, my daughters, my grandsons, my son-in-law.  I can be exactly the woman I want to be anytime.  I can choose to make my heart sing.  I can choose to change careers and live my life as I see fit.  And no amount of legislature, societal rules, or cultural norms can change that in me.

What does being a woman mean to me?  Freedom to choose to love, honor, and be myself.  So, in honor of International Women’s Day, I absolutely love being a woman!  How about you?