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What is This All About, Anyway?

18 Sep 2014 6 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: dancing naked, empowerment, joy, Life, moving forward, Renee

No music today! What? Well, I wanted to take a little different focus with my readers today.

I have reached 100 followers on this blog, and I would love to be able to connect with more. But a lot of people may not realize what Dancing Naked is all about, so I am taking this morning to offer why Dancing Naked is here.

A few years ago, one of my good friends loaned me a book that got me thinking about my own life. The book? Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn by Kris Radish. I provided the link so you could get the book yourself. I highly recommend it. I won’t give away the story here, but suffice it to say that Kris opened something inside of me with her book and the story that made me realize I had lived a pretty fearful life.

Quite a few years ago, another friend who is an amazing photographer and artist called her studio Dancing Barefoot Photography. Add that to Kris Radish’s book, and visions of dancing free from constraints of my own making or from my own reactions to my external and internal forces starting building.

Now, being the ever fearful and cautious woman I have always been, I searched for a way to articulate my own inner feelings of discovery without giving away too much or seeming like a whiny, middle aged woman needing to garner sympathy and throw an ever going pity party.

Blogging seemed like a great idea, so the title of a blog and the format became a focus. I knew I wanted to invoke the word “Dancing,” but I was in no space to borrow from the hint of unbridled joy invoked by the word. After many phrases and titles, the only one that really seemed to fit what I wanted to create was “Dancing Naked.”

The title conveyed exactly what I wanted to share, but, me being me, I had to make sure there was no trademark on the phrase. I found one filed for a wine, but it was abandoned. Crossing my fingers and stepping out there, Dancing Naked was born October 6, 2010.

Posting was very intermittent, but going back and reading some of my earlier posts, I can see how far I have grown. Those that know me know that I have been in the process of changing my name for four years because of some very personal reasons. And as I have grown, that name has changed some. In fact, one of the earlier names still remains on my page.

But through it all, I have attempted to be open and honest with my readers. I have tried to take my readers with me on this journey. The past few years have brought some of the most difficult lessons, and up until last year, there was very little blogging done.

Last year, I started a series of daily blogs taking random songs from my playlist and writing my impressions. That proved to be the greatest challenge and awakening process. And now, I find myself going back to the music format, but needing to move forward.

So, I will take this moment to dance naked a little here. Ready? In October, I had a very large cyst/tumor removed from the base of my skull that was causing blurred vision, headaches, and dizziness. It was benign, thank the Goddess! But that opened my voice. I released what I felt was a giant yoke around my neck keeping me from speaking my truth – my real truth.

In May, I was diagnosed as a diabetic. Damn! Didn’t see that one coming. My beautiful new doctor made sure to impress upon me that is was due to extreme stress. So, a drastic diet change, the addition of pharmaceuticals, and amping up my meditation practice entered my life. In June, I was scheduled for a total right knee replacement since my knee was gone. That happened in July.

And now? Well, eight weeks later, I am moving and doing great! No more neck issues, my blood sugar is controlled, and I have a new knee! I still have some pain and limited mobility, but rehab has taught me a lot about myself. Mainly that I have been stuck in fear of doing the wrong thing for so long that I was missing out on a lot of joy and passion in my life. I was the need to step out of my ego and pride and move forward in my life with my passion.

My passion? Writing! Painting! Creating! So, here you and I are at this very moment in time together. Dancing Naked is my baby where I share my journey with you! Sometimes, it’s not very pretty, but it is honest, raw, and my truth! I would love to add more readers and share with more in the hopes that we can all find our way in the world to grow and feel free to Dance Naked once in a while.

How Long? (Warning: this is Dancing Naked!)

17 Sep 2014 3 Comments

by Camille in All About Me Tags: beauty, dancing naked, empowerment, feminine empowerment, feminism, love, pleasure, Renee, sensual, sex

Today’s Music Muse – How Long by Matchbox Twenty

Link with lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/matchbox20/howlong.html

When love hits, it can hit hard! Regardless if it’s a new love or old love. There we are, just living life, and then, BAM! It hits!

If you don’t grab it and hold on, it could just pass you by. The feeling of wondering if it’s right or wrong can get so overwhelming that we just wait. Why? Let’s look at this.

What does the perfect love look like to you? Is it heart stopping, breath taking, palm sweating, fire in the belly romance or is it that comfortable feeling of someone who just gets you? Sitting together – sipping tea, coffee, wine, whatever – no words spoken. Just hand holding, looking at each other, enjoying just the feel of being. Why can’t it be both?

For me? I am greedy – I admit that I want both! I want that heart stopping, breath taking, palm sweating, fire in the belly romance with that special someone who just gets me. I want romance, soft touches, quiet words, loving glances, hand holding, just being together … and I want fire, passion, tear my clothes off, throw me down, and … well, you get the picture.

This is the deal – if you don’t have both, you’re missing out on the greatest human experience. We are sensual creatures made to enjoy the sensual side of life, but we are also nesters needing that deep soul connection to another.

Being raised in an era that frowned on the pleasure of sex and the sensual feelings, I grew up believing that it was wrong to experience the yearning of the physical desire for another. It was wrong to need that part of the human connection, unless you wanted to make babies. Especially as a girl!

I remember the first “talk” I had with my mother. Sex was not for enjoyment, but necessary to do my duty with my husband. If I enjoyed it, I was a slut. It was dirty, and not ladylike at all. But, if I wanted to keep my husband happy, then the best I could do was sit back, close my eyes, and wait until it was over. And, I had to remain a virgin until I married.

I remember watching “those girls” in high school and hearing them talk of their conquests in the same way the guys talked of theirs. And I also remember the tales and talk about “those girls” that could destroy a girl’s reputation in one second flat. I remember thinking then that if it was so wrong, why was it that the boys could enjoy it. Why weren’t they labeled the same as “those girls” and seen at outcasts?

Those thoughts, of course, were put away. I fell in love, married, and did my “wifely duty” as I had been taught. When my young and very handsome husband even suggested something out of the missionary position, I was aghast and appalled that he would even think of asking me to do something everyone knew only “those girls” did. After a while he stopped asking, and our sex life fell into a routine that held very little pleasure for me – even though, I pretended.

As I have grown older and become more aware of myself and my own sensual nature, I have found myself opening more. I realize and have become enlightened to the pleasure, sensual nature of the physical connection between two people. The more I have given into my sensual side and the desire to explore, the more I acknowledge my own beauty. I now know that I am beautiful and sensual, and yes, sexy. I am a sensual being made to experience pleasure and enjoyment.

My husband? Well, we are still together, and sometimes I wonder if he is ready for the new me. After waiting so long for me to awaken, I see him sometimes with a look of confusion on his face. But I suspect that he rather likes the new me, and this love we have?

Well, he still gets me and we still sit together holding hands, sipping whatever it is we drink, but I have grabbed onto the heart stopping, breath taking, palm sweating, fire in the belly romance, tear my clothes off, throw me down love! Yep, even now!

Moving Forward

29 Aug 2014 1 Comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: dancing naked, dark and light, empowerment, Growth, moving forward

My Music Muse – Hold On by Sarah McLachlan

Link to Music/Lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sarahmclachlan/holdon.html

My last post was the day of my knee replacement surgery, and it has already been five weeks. Time has gone by so quickly. I have missed my readers and sharing my raw, open, and naked self with all you.

First, I am doing great and moving forward quickly. I was thinking this morning during my usual morning cup of coffee that I have experienced so much in the last five weeks and really needed to share with all of you. So, after dressing and doing my rehab exercises, I came to work in my studio/office. I opened my playlist on the cloud, hit shuffle, and here was this song, Hold On by Sarah McLachlan.

The opening lyrics, “Hold on, Hold on to yourself for this is gonna hurt like hell” is really the only phrase to open what has been brought to the open for me during this time. I am not talking about the physical pain, although that has definitely been a new experience for me. No, I’m talking about the pain of realizing that this event of three is the culmination of what I have been avoiding for a very long time.

In my blog before surgery, I shared that I have lived my life based on fear and that this surgery is the epitome of the final step of moving forward for me. No longer basing decisions based on fear, but moving forward bravely and with courage.

And it has “hurt like hell!” But through this all? I would not change a thing. You see, even when we decide to shed those old beliefs and move forward, Source (or whatever you chose to call it) gets busy and circumstances and events come into your life that make way for the new. It can be so painful, and there are so many times when we wonder what the hell is going on. Haven’t I had enough? But, the desire to move forward is much stronger than the comfort of staying where I was.

This is a tug of war between two spirits within me. Dark and Light? Frankly, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the one spirit knows she needs to move on and the other was (notice the “was”) staying where the comfort is. To quote the song,

At the crossroads I am standing
So now you’re sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
that you’ll be strong tomorrow and we’ll
see another day and we will praise it
and love the light that brings a smile
across your face.

The strength that is within me pushes me forward, and the smile and joy that moving into my passion brings is far beyond what I could imagine. And so, with faith and the support of those around me that get this? I move forward to the world I have imagined and created.

And now playing is Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds – apropos! “Don’t worry ‘bout a thing!”

Brand New Kind of Me!

22 Jul 2014 6 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: dancing naked, fear, moving forward, power, self love, self value, strength, wholeness

This week’s music – Brand New Me by Alicia Keyes

Music/lyrics link – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/aliciakeys/brandnewme.html

Today, I could just copy and paste the lyrics, and my blog would be complete. It has been awhile since my last blog post because, you see, I am about to step forward in a new way.

As I write this, I am preparing for a total knee replacement tomorrow. For me, this is just the culmination of the evolution I have been experiencing the past year. It started with the internal, emotional, mental side of me, and as I opened more and stepped out of the fear, my physical body began its response.

First it was the neck surgery in October that released the blockage in my throat and eye chakras. I began to see and speak with greater clarity.

And now, I prepare today for a total knee replacement this morning – the final step of moving forward! I become a Brand New Me!

Fear no longer has a place in my decision making process. Fear is no longer an infinite wall blocking me from going to a place where I know I belong. The word Fear is now changed to a new meaning.

F – Forward

E – Energy

A – Anticipating

R – Results

I speak boldly! I speak strong! My actions are sure and steady. And if it seems there is a miss step, it is only a tool to realize my greatest potential.

I am a Brand New Kind of Me!

Absolute Greatness!

27 Jun 2014 2 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: dancing naked, evolution, greatness, power, self love, strength

Music of the Week – Pompeii by Bastille

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bastille/pompeii.html

I changed how I choose music of the week today, because nothing on my playlist talked to me today. As soon as I opened Pandora, here comes this song. It spoke so completely to me today.

Walls are most definitely tumbling down in my world. To break into the new of creating newness and growth, things have to be purged, broken down – walls have to tumble down.

First of all, my life is my own creation and, frankly, even with all of its challenges and struggles and battles, mine has been full of what has and continues to bring me joy. But children grow and move on with their lives. Life evolves and suddenly you find yourself looking beyond and saying, “Now what?”

My body has changed and those challenges are realizing the evolution of where I chose to go. As I have examined my own vision of my life from here and how I desire to create it, those things that need movement are indeed moving. I am on the precipice of a huge change – for the better.

My physical limitations of the past years is coming to an end, and the mental and emotional limitation I placed on myself is ending with it. In the next few months, I will be challenged beyond what I thought could be. But in that challenge, I expect to use it to create what I truly desire to realize – the me that writes, paints, plays music. How awesome is that? How amazing is that?

It will be interesting to see where this all takes me. I am open to all possibilities and all that Universe has to offer me. Because as those walls tumble down around me, and I stand in the rubble of what has held me back, I close my eyes and feel the great change in and around me. I have been here before, and I chose absolute greatness!

Let Go and Dream

18 Jun 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: dancing naked, dreams, empowerment, love yourself, self discovery, self love, self value, self worth

Music for the Day – Dreams by Stevie Nicks

Link to Music/Lyrics – http://www.songlyrics.com/stevie-nicks/dreams-lyrics/

Sometimes, in our lives we feel we have lost the dream we once imagined. We start off with these visions of where our lives should go and dreams of the most amazing events happening in our life.

Then we reach a certain age, and look back wondering what happened to the dreams and visions of that young girl who entered this life full of expectations of how things would be. I remember that girl – scared and fearful that the man she chose to share her life with would leave realizing that she wasn’t so great after all and that it was just an illusion.

I have reached that age when the children are grown and living their own lives. And I still have those dreams that remain strong and very real. You see, I just put them on hold for a while. I am still young enough to make them a reality and old enough to recognize how it plays out according to my own self-limitations, and no other.

I am pursuing the dream of writing, working on the dream of painting, and envisioning the dream of playing music. It’s all there – inside of me just waiting to blossom into what I had dreamed.

Many obstacles in my life have provided that which comes to life in my writing and painting. Poetry is just becoming another avenue of expression. The music? I’m thinking getting another guitar and re-acquainting myself with an instrument that saved my life in my early teens, besides the piano.

One thing that I have learned is that challenges and “players” will come and go, but those visions and dreams remain. I kept them to myself, but now, I feel the freedom to let go, throw them in the air, and see where they land! I cannot depend on any one person or event to make it happen for me. That is up to me, and I am on the edge of letting loose. I will jump and fly, landing where I land with the old expectations of the girl of so long ago with one difference – she has moved out of that scared feeling and taking the courage to step out.

I really do not know where this will take me, but I am open to the possibilities. I am open to embracing all of the amazingness of me! I am open to embracing where I am taken regardless of the path to get there, because I depend on me, and me alone, to make this happen.

Oh, that man I shared my life with that I was afraid would discover the truth about me and would leave. Well, 40 years later, he is still here. He knows the truth about me, and yet, he still holds on. Amazing!

Look in the Mirror

12 Jun 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: beauty, dancing naked, love, mirrors, self love, self value, self worth

Music of the Week – Mirrors by Justin Timberlake

Link to Music/Lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/justintimberlake/mirrors.html

There was a meme that showed up on my Facebook timeline this morning that said, “If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror.” This song by Justin Timberlake is another reminder of the truth of that statement.

We all have been in the place where we look outside of ourselves for that one person or one grass-is-greener moment that will bring into our lives what we want. And all along that person is the one staring back at us in the mirror.

What do I see when I look in the mirror? I see a woman, strong and independent, yet full of love and passion and joy. For the most part, that is how I feel, but I admit that there are times when I wish she would just put her hand out and yank me in. That is when life brings a hit-in-the-gut moment that just throws the proverbial 2×4 into my head.

What I realize in those moments is that the woman staring back at me in the mirror is worth far more than what outside forces would have me believe. That woman is the most amazing creature in the world, and I am fortunate that she is me! And in that moment, I know that those I let into my world are, indeed, fortunate to know me.

Not because I have some overblown ego or some unrealistic view of myself, but because I have knowledge and wisdom and life events that have molded me and made me who I am. Because I have had challenges in my life and have overcome them to become the amazing me that I am. And because with each event that occurs in my life, I take the lesson needing learned and allow the emotions to be embraced and experienced.

It is this moment of my life that I choose to share my innermost feelings and thoughts with you, those that take the time to read Dancing Naked. So, with that I say to you, Look in the mirror! Find that most amazing you that really is there. There may be times when you do not see the perfection of you in that mirror, but it is there. Allow it and allow yourself to experience what is in your life.

I am really understanding and loving the woman in the mirror, and I do not want to lose her. I refuse to lose her, and I will not allow anyone or anything to take her away from me. How about you? Will let you let your mirror image go or will you embrace it for all its worth?

The Spark of Living

02 Jun 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: comfort zone, dancing naked, desire, fire, passion, power, self love, self value, self worth

Music of the Day – Into the Fire by Sara MacLauchlan

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sarahmclachlan/intothefire.html

I have settled many times in my life for what I believed was the “right” thing to do – that which caused the least resistance and calmed the waters. And when I have done that, it is my own inner storm that rages inside building until the thunder rolls. I settled into an existence – not a life – because that was what was expected.

I often felt the fire creeping up, beckoning me to jump in experiencing fire and passion – life.

I say no, and I look back to see what I might have missed. Often I look back with regret knowing that I may have missed something that would have brought a spark of life into my very beingness. The times I have said yes were magnificent. So why say no?

Fear, moving out of my comfort zone are the only answers there are. I no longer wish to play it safe and do what others expect. I no longer wish to keep the waters still. Don’t make waves? Hell, no! I’m moving into the fire! I know there are risks, and I know that I will be pushed past my comfort zone, but it is into that fire that I become purified – whole. It is the fire that reignites what has been extinguished long ago.

I am an ever evolving woman and the masks that hid my safe place are falling off and burning away in the fire. I am becoming the me I want to be. It may be difficult for those around me that see me as they wish to see me, but they will become accustomed to me. At least, the me that no longer plays it safe. The me that lives her passion. The me that does not get burned by the fire but is filled with desire – with heart passion – with the spark of living!

Here Comes Another Spring!

30 May 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: Another Spring, dancing naked, diabetes, love, nina simone, self love, self value, self worth, Spring

The Music Today is – Another Spring by Nina Simone

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ninasimone/anotherspring.html

I’ve reached an age when the children are grown and have their own families. I am fortunate in that they all live very close, so we are still a close family. I think we always will be. But, in this age I have reached, there are things that I am experiencing that I did not expect.

I admit this latest experience has thrown me for a loop, and there have been moments when I wondered, just as the old woman in Nina’s song, why I still bothered. And since that day last week when I got the call from my doctor, there have been moments when I questioned if this was some ridiculous karmic debt that had to be paid. Of was this some kind of cosmic joke to see just how strong I really am.

And then, I stop to think about my friends who have allowed me in the last few days to talk, empty, cry, rail, rant, and most of all hold me in their hearts. While my experience is not what a lot of people experience, it is mine. And it is something I did not expect. And the naysayers can talk and laugh and say I’m over reacting, but you know what? This is my experience and it is something with which I will live for the rest of my life.

This is not about the experience, it is about being grateful for my friends. Being grateful for people in my life who hold me in their hearts. Being grateful for my art with which I sort all kinds of emotions. Being grateful for family that knows and allows me to be frustrated but holds me anyway. Being grateful for my writing that allows me to sort through the words I want to say to express my heart and my vulnerability. And most of all, being grateful for the beauty and amazingness of me! My body may not function the way I expected, but it is working still and I can go on to dance, play, sing, paint, write, and be!

And like the old woman in the song? Here comes another Spring!

Raw and Vulnerable – Dancing Naked

29 May 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: dancing naked, empowerment, Growth, love, self love, self value, self worth, shadow self

Music Download for today – Seven Lives by Enigma

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/enigma/sevenlives.html http://youtu.be/A2s4PXq8F1M

“Seven Lives” by Enigma

Traces, many faces
Lost in the maze of time
Blinded by the darkness
That’s the start of the seven lives

It’s too close, but still too far
Follow your inner guide
Show us who you are (are, are)
In these seven lives

Follow your inner guide
Show me who you are
In these seven lives

It’s too close, but still too far
Show me who you are
In these seven lives

We all have many faces – those we share with the ones that are the closest and those that are hidden. What happens when the hidden faces emerge into those that are open? The shadow side becomes exposed, raw – out there for everyone to see. The trick is … Do the ones that say they love us really love us for all that we are? Or do they run and hide when hidden faces show those pieces of us that have been in the shadows for so long?

It is a given that those that stay without a question are earnest in their words and feelings. What is not a given is do you stay with yourself when those hidden faces emerge through the shadows, or do you run and hide from your own truth?

That is the most difficult to do sometimes. The challenge is to take each of those faces and really look deep into the eyes. Where is the belonging? Where is the home? The doubts – the fears – the scaries – they will all emerge sometime. What do you do when they come out to play?

Well, for me, I give them their own names and personalities and write them in books or paint them on a canvas. I look at their personalities and ask where the belonging is. Is the belonging to be a part of me or shall I hold and embrace that part of me and let it go? To be sure, there are faces that are scary or scared, but there are those that need to be a part of my life and a part of my beingness. Those? I give birth to, nurture, and if the time comes, I let it go. If it is to remain a part of me and my life, I love it as a part of myself knowing that this is what molded me into who I am at the given moment of time. It could change tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, or in years to come. It matters not because I am ever changing, ever evolving, ever becoming. I believe that when I stop, then this life will be over.

At this moment in time, several faces have emerged that have created a need to take another look at what I need. Some are difficult and have been buried for many years, even from the one that is the closest to me, and as I navigate through the exploration and realization of this part of me, there are some thoughts and feelings that just cannot be expressed. There are specters that appear attempting to undo what I know has been great growth. To those specters, I open my arms wide so that I can become who I am meant to be, finally.

And this is the whole point of Dancing Naked – open, raw, vulnerable. Take it in. Hold it. Love it. Tell it everything is all right.