How Long? (Warning: this is Dancing Naked!)

17 Sep 2014 3 Comments

by Camille in All About Me Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Today’s Music Muse – How Long by Matchbox Twenty

Link with lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/matchbox20/howlong.html

When love hits, it can hit hard! Regardless if it’s a new love or old love. There we are, just living life, and then, BAM! It hits!

If you don’t grab it and hold on, it could just pass you by. The feeling of wondering if it’s right or wrong can get so overwhelming that we just wait. Why? Let’s look at this.

What does the perfect love look like to you? Is it heart stopping, breath taking, palm sweating, fire in the belly romance or is it that comfortable feeling of someone who just gets you? Sitting together – sipping tea, coffee, wine, whatever – no words spoken. Just hand holding, looking at each other, enjoying just the feel of being. Why can’t it be both?

For me? I am greedy – I admit that I want both! I want that heart stopping, breath taking, palm sweating, fire in the belly romance with that special someone who just gets me. I want romance, soft touches, quiet words, loving glances, hand holding, just being together … and I want fire, passion, tear my clothes off, throw me down, and … well, you get the picture.

This is the deal – if you don’t have both, you’re missing out on the greatest human experience. We are sensual creatures made to enjoy the sensual side of life, but we are also nesters needing that deep soul connection to another.

Being raised in an era that frowned on the pleasure of sex and the sensual feelings, I grew up believing that it was wrong to experience the yearning of the physical desire for another. It was wrong to need that part of the human connection, unless you wanted to make babies. Especially as a girl!

I remember the first “talk” I had with my mother. Sex was not for enjoyment, but necessary to do my duty with my husband. If I enjoyed it, I was a slut. It was dirty, and not ladylike at all. But, if I wanted to keep my husband happy, then the best I could do was sit back, close my eyes, and wait until it was over. And, I had to remain a virgin until I married.

I remember watching “those girls” in high school and hearing them talk of their conquests in the same way the guys talked of theirs. And I also remember the tales and talk about “those girls” that could destroy a girl’s reputation in one second flat. I remember thinking then that if it was so wrong, why was it that the boys could enjoy it. Why weren’t they labeled the same as “those girls” and seen at outcasts?

Those thoughts, of course, were put away. I fell in love, married, and did my “wifely duty” as I had been taught. When my young and very handsome husband even suggested something out of the missionary position, I was aghast and appalled that he would even think of asking me to do something everyone knew only “those girls” did. After a while he stopped asking, and our sex life fell into a routine that held very little pleasure for me – even though, I pretended.

As I have grown older and become more aware of myself and my own sensual nature, I have found myself opening more. I realize and have become enlightened to the pleasure, sensual nature of the physical connection between two people. The more I have given into my sensual side and the desire to explore, the more I acknowledge my own beauty. I now know that I am beautiful and sensual, and yes, sexy. I am a sensual being made to experience pleasure and enjoyment.

My husband? Well, we are still together, and sometimes I wonder if he is ready for the new me. After waiting so long for me to awaken, I see him sometimes with a look of confusion on his face. But I suspect that he rather likes the new me, and this love we have?

Well, he still gets me and we still sit together holding hands, sipping whatever it is we drink, but I have grabbed onto the heart stopping, breath taking, palm sweating, fire in the belly romance, tear my clothes off, throw me down love! Yep, even now!

Look in the Mirror

12 Jun 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , ,

 

Music of the Week – Mirrors by Justin Timberlake

Link to Music/Lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/justintimberlake/mirrors.html

There was a meme that showed up on my Facebook timeline this morning that said, “If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror.” This song by Justin Timberlake is another reminder of the truth of that statement.

We all have been in the place where we look outside of ourselves for that one person or one grass-is-greener moment that will bring into our lives what we want. And all along that person is the one staring back at us in the mirror.

What do I see when I look in the mirror? I see a woman, strong and independent, yet full of love and passion and joy. For the most part, that is how I feel, but I admit that there are times when I wish she would just put her hand out and yank me in. That is when life brings a hit-in-the-gut moment that just throws the proverbial 2×4 into my head.

What I realize in those moments is that the woman staring back at me in the mirror is worth far more than what outside forces would have me believe. That woman is the most amazing creature in the world, and I am fortunate that she is me! And in that moment, I know that those I let into my world are, indeed, fortunate to know me.

Not because I have some overblown ego or some unrealistic view of myself, but because I have knowledge and wisdom and life events that have molded me and made me who I am. Because I have had challenges in my life and have overcome them to become the amazing me that I am. And because with each event that occurs in my life, I take the lesson needing learned and allow the emotions to be embraced and experienced.

It is this moment of my life that I choose to share my innermost feelings and thoughts with you, those that take the time to read Dancing Naked. So, with that I say to you, Look in the mirror! Find that most amazing you that really is there. There may be times when you do not see the perfection of you in that mirror, but it is there. Allow it and allow yourself to experience what is in your life.

I am really understanding and loving the woman in the mirror, and I do not want to lose her. I refuse to lose her, and I will not allow anyone or anything to take her away from me. How about you? Will let you let your mirror image go or will you embrace it for all its worth?

 

Me

Meet Baubo!

19 May 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Baubo 1

Meet Baubo, the Belly Goddess! She is here to remind us that a woman’s sexuality is not a thing of obscenity and shame, but a powerful, creative, sacred place in which dreams are realized and created. We are all mothers that become impregnated with the seeds of our passions and dreams. We gestate those seeds and nurture them until they are ready to birth. Then we open wide and give birth to our fullness and our passions and our Beings!

We are Baubo, and in our bellies, we create, enjoy, and dance in wonderment at our beauty.

For centuries, we as women have been cast as seductresses and wanton creatures bent on the taking men down to a base level of beingness. It started with the story of Eve and has continued from there. The reality is that even Jesus loved women and held the women disciples in high regard, but men were jealous of our spiritual nature and our creative nature and continued the story of the evilness and dirtiness of women.

But the Sacredness of our own natures will not allow us to continue to believe that paradigm. Baubo reminds us of our beauty and that our sensuality is not dirty or base. Our value does not depend on what man says we are. Our value depends on what we know deep down inside. We are beautiful, nurturing, loving, and sensual. And we are good!

The Body Joyous

21 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , ,

Music Muse for the day – Feels like the First Time by Foreigner

Link– http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/foreigner/feelslikethefirsttime.html – (you guys really have to listen!)

This dance between man and woman is most amazing, wouldn’t you agree?  When there is a real connection between a man and a woman, there are those times that it feels fresh and new and the act of exploring each other is beyond imagination.

If you have been following this blog for the past few weeks, you will remember several posts in which I talked about the sensual side of the woman and how important it is to acknowledge that piece.  Well, I am going a little farther today, because, well, that is just how I feel led this morning.

Confession of this blogger today – remember, this is Dancing Naked – with truth for my readers on my journey so far.  I spent way too long suppressing the sensual side of my femaleness not understanding that it was the sensual side that made me feel like a woman.  I did not understand that being sensual was a natural and wonderful part of who I am as a woman.  The following stanza just speaks volumes about where I am in this time of my life:

I have waited a lifetime
Spent my time so foolishly
But now that I’ve found you
Together we’ll make history

The “You” I found is the reality of the sensual me! Yep, I said it!  I have discovered what embracing the female inside me can bring – a sense of empowerment, a sense of beauty, a sense of life, and yes, a sense of my true nature.  You see, we were created to enjoy the sensual side, and we were created to enjoy all that brings to us.  I have discovered just how amazing my body truly is.  I may need to lose a few pounds, and I may need to tone some muscles, but my body is the most amazing thing.  It responds to joy, pleasure, sadness, anger – all those emotions.

Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, in Women Who Run with the Wolves, calls the body joyous.  And that is what I have discovered – the body joyous!  Oh, don’t get me wrong.  When I look in the mirror, I still see those wrinkles and those curves and I still wonder what I can do to look my best.  The difference now?  I also see the body joyous! I see my perfection in the way I move and the way I feel.

I am a butterfly that has left the safety and security of the cocoon and is flying free.  I may falter and I may make some mistakes in my flight, but I am seeing myself “just like the first time!”  I attribute this to the support I have received and the love and guidance and acceptance to stretch my boundaries.

The door is open and I will never feel the old way again.  Regardless of where my journey takes me from here, I am most grateful to the one who has opened the door.  I urge my readers to allow the doors to be opened for yourselves.  If you have any doubts about your amazingness and beauty, ignore all of those so-called flaws and really look at yourself – just like the first time.  Embrace the sensual – embrace the wonder – embrace the Body Joyous!embrace yourself

That Pleases Me

19 Feb 2014 1 Comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , ,

Do I Move You by Nina Simone

Link to Lyrics and song – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ninasimone/doimoveyou.html

Ah, the soulful sounds of Nina Simone.  And this one?  Well, it just follows what the focus seems to have been for the past few weeks.  Questions that we, as women, ask ourselves and often our partners, especially when we do not feel what others say we should feel.  I am going to address those that are in partnerships or in relationships because that seems to be where this is going this morning.

I may not have asked my life partner this exact question, but I certainly have asked him if I was still sexy and beautiful to him.  I know that I am not the lithe sprite of a thing that I was when I first met him, but then, neither is he the muscular solid rock guy.  We are entering into that time of life when our bodies are beginning to show the years.  Funny, because inside I still feel like that beautifully toned and fit 30 year old inside, and then I look into the mirror and, admittedly think sometimes, “Who the hell is that woman, and what did she do with that young woman?”  And then, sometimes, I look into that mirror and think, “Well, you may have a few wrinkles and carry a few extra pounds, but you look pretty damn good, lady!”  It all depends on my wake up attitude.

We as women are given an ideal to which we feel we must measure up.  Even the commercials targeting the middle-aged woman are showing these women with 30 year old thin and toned bodies and few wrinkles on their face.  There is one older model that has long silver hair indicating that she is an older woman, but her body does not say older woman.  Where does this ideal come from?  And why, as women, do we continue to berate ourselves because we’ve lived our lives raising our families and doing what we thought we were supposed to do or be?

I am on a quest to tell women my age that we are all beautiful!  I know those words should strike pride, and yet, if you are even a little like me, they are met with disbelief or sarcasm.  We know we should think that, and yet, we look in the mirror and say, “Who the hell is that woman?”

Like I said earlier, I have asked my partner if I’m still sexy, and frankly, he gets offended at the question.  His reasoning is, “Of course, you’re still sexy to me.  I don’t know why you even ask me?”  Ah, there ya go.  That is manspeak.  As a man, he’s saying, that I am just as beautiful to him as I was when we were younger and that he doesn’t understand why I question it.  As a woman, I hear words that are trying to make me feel sexy to him because he knows to say otherwise would totally get him in trouble.  Hence, the words Nina sings,

The answer better be (Yes, yes)
That pleases me

What we want as women, guys, is to be made to feel sexy not just told.  And yet, does our value depend on what our partner believes or thinks?  It shouldn’t!  Our minds and thoughts dictate what we receive.  So, instead of asking your partner, look in that mirror, and ask that lady there, “Do I move you?”  If the answer is no, then start working on that.  If the answer is yes, then celebrate!  For me, I can ask that question, and say, “Yes! Yes!”  And that pleases me! Because today, I look pretty damn good!

Dancing Naked in the Milky Way

01 Feb 2014 1 Comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Music Muse of the Day – A Thousand Falling Stars by Little & Ashley

Link to YouTube Video with lyrics – http://youtu.be/QD0LbEyuLDQ

Cosmic-Dance

I think I must be on some cosmic journey this week because today is about exploring the parts of me that have been hidden.  Most amazing because I have realized that all of the wonder hidden inside of me is right there and has been all along.  As I step into this wonderment, I have those around me that have seen it as well.  I must have had it hidden from me pretty damn good, but I am glad that all of those “thousand falling stars” are landing in my hands to gaze at with wonder and awe.

One of my favorite lines in this song is, “Somewhere inside you, there is a wild frontier.”  The wild frontier is inside all of us – we just have to disappear from our outer selves and “take a journey” to that unknown region.

Source is saying, “What I can show you will take your breath away!”  The Lover is there waiting to embrace us and show us the beauty of those stars inside.  The Lover inside is waiting to catch the stars of our amazingness and wonder.  Are you ready to take the journey?  I am on that most excellent “dance on the moon” as I dance “round and round the Milky Way” with my Lover – my Self that has been waiting to shine – that star that is me, the beauty of me. Ready to know what I found this morning?

I am most beautiful inside and out!  Yes, I am!  Every line is a testament to experiences and joy and laughter and tears in my life.  The way my body moves, how my skin feels, how my smile lights my face.  I found the Lover in me!  Those stars that are falling are falling in me to bring the shine to my world.

Take a listen to the song. Close your eyes and disappear! Take that journey!  Discover your beauty within. If you embrace that beauty within, the Lover cannot help but laugh and dance you around letting the world see that beauty without!

Do not let those in your life that cause you pain and self-doubt tear you down and make you feel less that worthy.  Because, my Love, you are most beautiful and most worthy!  Dance Naked in the Stars and watch those “thousand stars falling down” into your heart, your soul, your very being.  My Love, you are the most beautiful creature in the Lover’s eyes.  How could you doubt it?

 

We are Beautiful!

31 Jan 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , ,

Music Muse of the Day – Together Again by Evanescence

Song link with lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/evanescence/togetheragain.html

Pain, loss, fear

Leaving behind what we thought was so dear (my words).

How often do we take what is so close to us for granted?  And how often do we realize that what we love and hold so dear is precious when we don’t have it?

What speaks to me most this morning is the pain of leaving the true self in search of what would seem to be a more lovable and valuable false self.  We let the outer world become more of what we desire rather than allow our inner world to be realized.  We are told that we should look and act a certain way if we are to be desirable and loved.  Some of us are programmed that way from childhood, and when we find that place in which we know our programming is false and wrong, we still believe the programming instead of believing what we know deep inside to be true.

There is a quote that is attributed to Marilyn Monroe, “I was never told I was pretty as a little girl.”  That quote came to me this past week, and I took some time to think about what I was told as a little girl.  Be ready, now.  I am baring my soul here.  When I was a little girl, I was not told I was pretty.  In fact, I was told that I would never be loved so I should learn not to expect to find love.  So, I grew up believing that I was not pretty or lovable or acceptable.

When that special someone came into my life and told me I was beautiful and that he loved me, I heard the words, but deep down just did not believe it.  As a young woman, being told I was beautiful was not accepted and I always came up with a “yeah, but…” So, I threw myself into raising my kids and being a strong independent woman always trying to be pretty, but never believing I could. Always comparing myself to other women, knowing I could never measure up.

A life altering event occurred several years back that changed how I saw myself.  From that point, I had to leave the old me behind – including the old name.  Through the past few years of searching for my true self, I had to leave behind Terri. I found a world “where love and dreams and darkness all collide” just as the song said.  The journey from there to here is spoken well in the lines:

So many fears were swimming around and around in my mind
Who would have dreamed the secrets we would find

Today, a bit of those fears still linger, but love is taking me back home to the little girl from so long ago.  She will never be the same, but the new woman is here.  I can take that little girl named Terri, and hug and embrace her taking her into Renee – loved, cared for, protected, and yes, we are beautiful!

Really Dancing Naked

10 Oct 2013 2 Comments

by Camille in All About Me Tags: , , ,

Dancing Naked has been about self-discovery and being.  It is time for reality and truth.

I come to this place now because of a very real physical event in my life.  And because of this event, I have had to face some very real fears and challenges.  I had surgery to remove a tumor at the back of my head that caused some nasty side effects.  The ordeal surrounding the surgery and the insurance issues is for another time and to be visited on one of my other blogs. But suffice it to say, I have had to take a good long look at my own self-image and at what I want to create in my life.

Tackling my body image is the main focus of my mental and emotional equation.  Yes, I know I have been outspoken to those women who have been a part of my life that we should love our bodies as they are.  But, I admit here and now that while I was espousing those truths, I had my own issues.

Gaining weight and attempting to fill the void with food became my demon to face.  I am back on the weight loss bandwagon – not because society expects me to be thin and fit, but because it is something that is part of my own internal healing process.  I admit that I do not love my body.  I am sad that I have allowed my mental and emotional state to affect my physical state.

So, starting here and now, I am on a mission to love my body once again for what it is and how it looks.  I welcome this journey, and I invite you to be a part of it with me.  By agreeing to be a part of it with me, you also agree to look at yourself.  Do you truly love yourself?  Do you accept your body as something beautiful to be cared for and loved?  Those are questions well worth asking.  And then we can all be . . . .

Dancing Naked