Dancing Naked

There is a meme I saved on my phone that says “When something goes wrong in your life, just yell, ‘PLOT TWIST!’ and move on!”  I seem to be doing that a lot lately as are a lot of people I know.  Since I’m a thinker and a writer, and since I’m known to evaluate my life and the events that shape it, I may yell, “PLOT TWIST!” but I just cannot help from processing and regurgitating it before I can move on.

From a scary surgery I experienced in October to a loss of a friend and a friend experiencing a loss of a partnership, I have so many plot twists that I could be a James Patterson spy novel.  I have looked at my own reactions and responses and made some observations of my own.  With each twist and turn, I learn to respond instead of react and to become extremely grateful for those in my life that hang in there with me. 

I am a reactionary – yep! I admit it!  Buddhism teaches us that life is neither good nor bad, but it is our reaction or response that creates good and bad.  I like to think that way, but, well, sometimes bad things just seem to happen.  Ah, but that’s the reaction.  Responding tells me that with each ending, a new beginning shows its face, regardless of who is experiencing the event.  I can confirm that without hesitation. 

The surgery taught me to allow others in my life to help me.  It was a lesson that was most needed, and I am working on mastering it.  The loss of a friend as she transitioned to another place of being taught me to appreciate my life and those people in it that are always there in spite of me.  The friend who is experiencing the end of a partnership is teaching me to take a really good look at my own partnership in life.  What is it that brings me back to central?  I found the answer to that question.  No matter how angry or how many angry words are spoken, my partner – my husband – is my North.  When I feel lost and confused, I can center there and return to North.  That’s a most important lesson to learn. 

Many people come and go in our lives, and many people will teach us valuable lessons.  But it all comes back to that one person who is your North.  That person is different for everyone.  For some, it’s themselves; for others, it’s a parent or sibling; it may be a good friend; or it may be a life partner.  Take a good look in your life.  Who is your North?  Claim him or her and allow yourself to have a North.  We all need one!

Now that I know my North, and can say with confidence, “PLOT TWIST!  Moving on!”

Yesterday was a day of feasting for those of us in the United States.  I have friends in other countries that are amused at the amount of feasting that goes on that carries over to what we call Black Friday.  I have to admit that, while I love the food and the eating, I also feel a bit guilty at the amount of food consumed when so many have so little.  Nothing goes to waste since we have a big family, but there is still that feeling of overwhelming sadness.

Sadness gives way to gratitude very quickly when I see all of my family gathered together laughing and smiling and just being together.  I know how blessed I am that we all live so close together and that we actually love and like each other.  And I know that I am blessed to have what I need, even though there are times that it seems there is nothing there and nothing coming.

But what astounds me is that I know that our family is not alone, and yet, the world seems to be searching for that next thrill and next best thing to fill some void unspoken.  I understand that void as well because I have felt it many times.  But when all is said and done in this life, the only void that should have focus is the gratitude heart.

Joining those that fill the stores on Black Friday which now begins Thursday evening does not fill that void.  Fighting the other shoppers to grab the newest Thing with the door buster price does not fill that void.  Maxing out the credit card or spending the rent money to buy those amazing newest Things that will surely tell your family and friends just now much you care for them because you fought the crowds and won does not fill the void.

No, looking at those intangible things that make your heart sing each and every day fills the void with gratitude.  Those are the newest Things that are worth the struggle.  And those are the Things that will fill the void.

I would change Black Friday into Pink Friday – pink for the color of love.  Or how about green for healing?  Or maybe we just call it a Friday?

I love the early morning!  It’s quiet and the world seems to be holding its breath just before sunrise.  There is a quiet pause in the air as if in anticipation of what the day will bring.

As I wait for the sunrise this morning, I create my day.  It is the final week of a Journalism class, and I have a profile article to write and submit as my final project.  To complete the project, I need to interview a few more sources that know my subject.  I am out of my comfort zone with this, so my mind races with thoughts of whom to interview.  With only a few short days to complete this process, and my adrenalin is amped up.  Is this what it feels like to anticipate the coming of a new day?

So, I realize that this is analogous to what the earth feels each and every new morning.  That increase of earth-alin holding its breath, heartbeat racing, anticipating the new day and what us humans create.  Wait for it!  Can you feel the rush?  Ah, here comes the sun just peaking over the horizon creating pinks and oranges that show the promise to come.  I feel the rush as I send the last interview request email imagining pinks and oranges of the promise to come.

This is why I love early mornings just before sunrise!

So here is my Astrological horoscope for today for Pisces –

“As a calm comes over your emotional life, look for other areas of your life to grow more peaceful as well. For any social outings today, try to choose an intimate spot that’s conducive to private conversations. Avoid crowded places with loud music or a raucous clientele. Even your wardrobe should reflect your inner calmness, and should feature neutral colors and comfortable fabrics that frame your face and let your personality provide all the color.”

I laughed as I read this because I am calmer today and there are definitely other areas that a calming.  And my chosen colors for clothing today?  Neutral – khaki green slacks, white blouse, khaki vest, and khaki shoes – this before reading my horoscope.  I am in the flow today!

The factors that brought out the chaos has not changed much, but my response has.  Why?  I went back to basics and have spent more time in meditation.  At least, that is part of the reason.  But here is the main reason:

In one life changing event, we found ourselves driving our youngest daughter to work in Calistoga each and every day.  To make this trip less stressful and more enjoyable for our grandson, I take him to different places each week to give him little “science” lessons.  This past Monday I took him to the Petrified Forest which he loved.  We hiked the small trail and took in the magnitude of the petrified trees.  On Tuesday, we decided to visit the Napa Valley State Park.  And we took one of the smaller hiking trails.

Now as most of my closest friends know, I have severe osteoarthritis in my left knee.  I should have had knee surgery several years ago, but without insurance, it is still not a possibility.  Anyway, we hiked and found this amazing creek.  How peaceful it is to discover absolute serenity.

And this is why my emotions are calmer and I am responding rather than reacting.  I recommend getting back to nature, of course.  But this was amazing!

Today, June 15, 2012, my husband, Wayne, and I are married 38 years.  I can’t believe we’ve made it this far.  I know it sounds corny, but it really has gone by fast.

We were such babies when we got married.  I was 18 just out of high school, and he was 20 and still in college.  No one gave us a “snowball’s chance in hell.”  After all, we had only been dating for 2 months when he asked me, and when we got married 4 months after that – well, that makes it six months.  I graduated from high school and got married all in the same month.

I’m not really sure how we did, but we beat the odds to be sure.  We have experienced plenty of obstacles along the way – financial disasters more than once, job loss, moves, and illness.  But with us, those things only made us stronger.  We have learned to rely on each other entirely, because we have each other’s back.  We may not agree with the other’s choices entirely, but we will defend the right to make that choice and allow the freedom to be that choice with every thing inside us.  Perhaps that’s why we have made it this far.

I don’t know what the future holds for us, but this I know.  I have someone who supports me and who has my back.  There are times when I have felt like cashing in, but I don’t.  Why?  Believe me – it’s not from some convoluted thinking that I can’t make it alone.  I know I can.  I just think that through it all, I am a better person with me than without.

So, on this day, I wish my husband, Wayne, Happy Anniversary!  I love you more than you know!