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Raven/Wolf – Run Free

13 Mar 2014 6 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: desire, empowerment, freedom, loose the chains, passion, raven, wolf

Music of the Day – Keep Your Eyes Peeled by Queens of the Stone Age

Link to Music/Lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/queensofthestoneage/keepyoureyespeeled.html

Raw and dark are the images that come to me today. Why? Images of my life as I have lived it, loved it, embraced it, flow through the inlets and outlets of my mind. I need so much more than I have, oh, not because I lack or because I have not had enough. I have had love deep and felt loved more than most. But I failed myself, never allowing myself to experience all that I could have.

Fear held me back. Fear of losing the mask of “everything is great” and of being all right. Always doing what I thought was right, never just doing because I desired or wanted, and I led you through this journey. You, so trusting that my face and smile were what they appeared to be. Me, knowing that deep inside, it was never enough, there was more that I wanted. You, not wanting more yet being the strength that could show me the way. You, finding your place of peace within me.

And, yet, always a hidden desire lurked underneath that threatened to expose me. Expose me for the woman I wanted to be, not the woman I was. So, I fought what I thought were demons, sometimes stretching your limits and pushing your boundaries. But, fear stopped me, stopped me from being who I was meant to be.

And now, that woman is breaking free – wild and wanton – filled with passions unfulfilled, filled with dreams not realized, filled with desires not recognized. In free abandonment, ready to experience what she dared not speak. Eager to allow her passions to take her to a mountain she dared not climb.

You are afraid, afraid of this new woman that has entered your life. She does not blame you, she understands that she is different. She understands that you want to hold on. She understands that this fear of losing her is inconceivable to you. She is longing to be free and wild – yet you hold onto what has past.

She is Raven who has perched in her mind bringing her messages of what was to come. She is Wolf, alone and afraid in a pack that only understands her outer face, but not what is deep inside. Wolf and Raven – together powerful forces – are calling her. Her inner self is calling her to become who she was meant to be.

Don’t you know that you cannot hold Raven wanting flight? Don’t you know that she will fight with all she has? Do you not know that you cannot hold Wolf in chains when she want to run free in the night? She will chew her own legs to be loosed. The Crow takes flight, the Wolf runs free. Crow and Wolf are traveling together now in the woman you no longer know.

Will you let her experience? Or will you keep her chained to the anchor that is your security? Do you not know that allowing her to run free and wild, you will keep her with you. She will never leave forever, just for a bit here and there. She needs to feel freedom to expand and be. You may add links to her chains so she feels she is free, but she feels the chain nonetheless.

She does not desire to leave forever, just to break free of the pack with which she travels and spread her raven wings to fly high above the lands. There is no other pack for her but the one she has traveled with thus far. This is a longing that travels deep within Raven and Wolf. Will you let her stretch without tethers and give her sovereignty over her own spirit/soul?

Open to her now and learn from her the mysteries she will teach you, if you will just let her be wild and free – ready to experience what she has been so fearful of – until now.

Release It!

11 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: empowerment, flyby connection, friendships, love, partnerships, real connection, relationships, release, release it, women

Music of the Day – Stand Back by Stevie Nicks

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/stevienicks/standback.html

Words are often so different than actions, aren’t they? And that seems to be the greatest difference between a real connection with someone or ourselves and just a flyby connection. What’s a flyby connection?

Well, let’s talk about that. When we put ourselves in the mix of a friendship or love relationship, we make judgments based on our own experiences and what we see in another. Often the person with whom we desire to connect reminds us of something either known in the past or something we want to know and experience. Rarely is there just a connection based on no judgment.

We decide how much we wish to invest based on those early moments as does the other person. There may be something that is missing at first that creates a need to hold back. We may, or the other person may, say the words, but are the actions there? Does the other person say words of care and should dos and maybes? After saying those words, does she or he get so busy in their lives that they neglect building the friendship or relationship only to say later that they just got so busy they couldn’t find the time? Do you do this as well? This is a flyby connection. There may be something there, but not enough to really connect at a deep level.

This is a time when release of the relationship has to happen. If it just isn’t there, it’s not there! Don’t continue to hold onto something just because there might not be another.

Now, let’s talk about honoring yourself in this. If you are the one holding back, why? What is it that prevents you from truly buying into this? Release it! Oh, we all have our flybys and our acquaintances that are part of our lives, but if it is a real connection you are desiring and you are the one holding back, really look at the reasons. Pick up the rock and look at the underneath that sits in the dirt. What purpose is served here? Look for the purpose! If you can find none, then release and walk away.

On the other hand, if you are the one putting it all in there and the other holds back, ask yourself why you stay? Is there some need that you need to fill? What is your purpose in this as well? Why can’t you let it go? Hope that it will change is nice, but rarely is there a change. If the other person doesn’t feel it, you can’t force it. Release it! If staying is only causing pain, and you just can’t walk away, look at the need for that pain. What service does it give you? Does the other person remind you of someone in your past for which you need closure? If that is the answer, then write about your feelings, talk to someone you trust, explore the reasons, find closure. Then release it!

It is only through actions backing up words are true connections made, regardless of the relationship involved. It is through coming to the table with impeccable words and integrity in the heart that true connections are made. Look at what is not serving you and … Release It!

Don’t Feed the Animals!

10 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: bullying, don't feed the animals, empowerment, gay, power, racism, women

Turning Point by Nina Simone

Link to song and lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ninasimone/turningpoint.html

While this song is about racism and the highlights how children and adults views of differences are so diametrically opposed, there is a stanza that speaks to me on a very personal level. But, before I get to that, I do want to hit upon the gist of the song since differences are a big part of the thoughts and emotions evoked with Nina’s song.

She sang a song so pretty
On the Jungle Gym
When Jimmy tried to hurt her
I punched him in the chin

An underlying tone of how some people with differences are viewed is what makes this song so meaningful. You see, when there is a general disrespect for others regardless of gender, race, lifestyle, or belief systems, there is a real turning point in a life that is bullied because of differences. That is what is so glaring about this song – it speaks volumes about bullies. And there are many layers of bullying.

There is the obvious physical bully as spoken of in the song and that I experienced as a little girl. But, perhaps, one of the most insidious bullies is one who uses mental and emotional actions to make someone feel small, insignificant, and unworthy. I have experienced that as a little girl as well, but have experienced it as a woman. And my experiences have been from those who called themselves religious or spiritual and used that lie as their crutch to fall back on justifying their own actions.

It is no secret that I am a little different, and have always been different. Oh, I tried to fit into the belief system in which I was raised, but in the end, keeping up such a façade in the face of hypocrisy was more than I could stomach. I have been fortunate enough to have a relationship that honored my inner differences and never ridiculed me or tried to “save” me. Instead, he recognized the beauty that was deep inside.

However, there have been others that have tried to fit me into their mold and bully their way into my psyche and into my life all the while feeding off my insecurities. Fortunately, I was strong enough to say no! And I was strong enough to stay the course with what I feel is my truth and integrity. And that is where I am today.

Although I did not write for International Women’s Day, I take this moment to say to all women – do not let the bullies tear you down and make you feel stupid or less valuable. We are not perfect, but it is our imperfections that make us beautiful and worthy. If someone is in your life trying to bully you into being what they desire, refuse and take a stand. If someone is in your life that does not see your value or worth and continuously puts you on a roller coaster of emotional rides, don’t buy the ticket! If someone is in your life and demands you to give more than they are willing, that is a form of bullying and you can turn your back and walk away!

Remember the signs in the zoo that say “Don’t feed the animals!” Bullies are animals – don’t feed them – the more you feed them, the more they demand. And to you bullies out there, back off, bucko! We’ve got your number!

Let Your Children Play

06 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: believe, Children, dream, play, riders on the storm, togetherness

Music of the Day – Riders on the Storm by The Doors

Link to lyrics/song – http://www.lyricsfreak.com/d/doors/riders+on+the+storm_20042656.html

Source never ceases to amuse me. Each weekday when I hit the shuffle button on my playlist, music that speaks to a part of me that, sometimes, I would rather not share. Ok, well, almost all the time. That is exactly what this project is all about. Each weekday morning, I hit the shuffle button on my playlist and listen to the song and share my inner thoughts that come up. This song?

Well, this song speaks to me of being born into a world of ultimate challenges and lessons and of sometimes feeling so alone in those struggles. But, watch out! Don’t pick that “rider” up in your thoughts and get so involved with the feelings of aloneness that you allow him to kill your dreams and your desires.

Let your children play
If ya give this man a ride
Sweet memory will die
Killer on the road, yeah

The child? Your inner heart is your child. The child is that piece of you that remembers what it is like to dream and really believe in your dreams. Remember when you would daydream of your life when you “grew up” and how it would be? And, remember when you believed that life? What happened? Well, you were reprogramed to stop believing, you “grew up” and life happened.

Did you give the man a ride? Did your memory die of what you dreamed of as a child? Well, it’s time to come back. It’s time to go back, look at those dreams, and examine if those dreams are still yours. Are there others? Look and examine where you need to be to realize your dreams. That is what I am called to do right now. So, yes, I’m preaching to myself. And yes, I’m telling you to do the same.

A lot of people are in this space right now. We have grown up and realize that we have let the rider on the storm kill our memories of what our child dreamed. And we are kicking and screaming into this age of becoming older and not being where we thought we would be. We could just say “Oh, well,” and go about this life we’re in. Or we can say “No!” and bring those dreams back and move into the life of which our child dreams are made.

You’re not alone! None of us have to go this alone. Find your pack – your tribe – your group – your peeps! Your world depends on you and no one else!

Resting in Her Arms

05 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: Divine Feminine, divine mother, embrace, Goddess, love, truth, voice

Music of the Day – O Virridissima Virga – From the CD “Ancient Mother” by Robert Gass & On Wings of Song

Links – Track – http://www.virginmedia.com/music/browse/robert-gass-and-on-wings-of-song/songs/708454

Lyrics and Translation – www.billalves.com/scores/viridissima.pdf‎

Today is a day of quiet reflection, and it is much needed. O Virridissima Virga is an old piece that venerates the virgin mother, but for those of us that honor Goddess spirituality and the Divine Feminine aspect, it is a fitting song that honors the creative feminine – the beauty of feminine – the unconditional love of the purest of mother archetypes.

I feel I must start of by sharing that whenever I am at my most turbulent time energetically, psychically, and in my spirit, my body manifests the energy in the area that governs whatever emotion I am experiencing. Yep, as strange as that may sound to some of my readers (and I acknowledge that I may lose some of you here), I am an empathic soul that feels emotions deeply.

So, I was not surprised when this showed up in my playlist shuffle for the music of the day. There are many energies at play in my life right now and a couple of days ago, the thought in my mind, “I have no voice in my life” manifested in my throat. I starting losing my voice yesterday, and this morning, there is nothing but a whisper available. So, this is a huge reminder to be still, be quiet, and listen.

While the translation takes on a catholic energy, it is the Divine Mother that nourishes and heals. When I need healing and nourishment, I am reminded to rest in Her arms. For Her arms are my arms. My thoughts must be examined and healed to manifest my heart’s desire. But more than anything, it is that touch, caress, embrace of the Mother that heals. And so, I take today to embrace myself, care for myself, listen to myself, and love myself to absolute and complete health.

It is in this that I find my voice once again. It is in Her strength – my inner strength – that my power and trust are once again realized and manifested. So, I dedicate this day to myself. You should try it!

RawRealSelf

04 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: don miguel ruiz, honesty, integrity, tell it like it is, the four agreements, Toltec Wisdom

Music of the Day – Tell It Like It Is by Nina Simone

Music Link – http://www.metrolyrics.com/tell-it-like-it-is-lyrics-nina-simone.html

Honesty! We get so involved in the games we play with each other, we forget that there are hearts and spirits involved in our games. We get caught up the game of putting on our masks that we often forget our realness – our truth. We forget that it is the honesty and our Beingness that attracts our friends and relationships – those that know us raw and real.

Raw and Real! I have a question for you, my readers, what is your raw truth? Is it hidden behind an everyday mask? Or do you wear a half mask? Why do we wear masks at all? What is it about our RawRealSelves that we are afraid to show?

We all feel hurt, guilt, pain – we all feel joy, empowerment, pleasure. If we are open to showing the positive, why not the negative? Ego! Yeah, that little voice that speaks in the corners and recesses of our minds that say, “if they know the real you, they won’t like you!” Or “if you let your feelings show, you’re going to get hurt!” And you may have let you RawRealSelf show a few times only to get hurt, but you felt!

We often receive a projection from those we are with based on their perceptions of themselves. Revealing our RawRealSelves may trigger anchors for the other person with whom we are engaging and judgments ensues.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned – but yet mastered – is from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Ruiz writes about the Toltec Wisdom and the Four Agreements that, if followed, changes our perceptions and our lives. They are:

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word – Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. (“Tell it like it is!”)

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally – Nothing others do is because of you! What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. (We all know what assuming does – Makes an ASS –out of u and me – assume.)

4. Always Do Your Best – Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret (Ruiz, 1997, front cover).

Remembering these four agreements with self and spirit and putting them into practice gives a freedom to always be your RawRealSelf. So, today, tell it like it is, and be your RawRealSelf!

Resource:

Ruiz, D. M., PhD. (1997). The Four Agreements. San Rafael, CA: Amber-Allen Publishing.

At the Door

03 Mar 2014 2 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: Anybody Home, emotionally present, love, marriage, partnerships, relationships, Thomas Ian Nicholas

Music for the Day – Anybody Home – Thomas Ian Nicholas

Link to Song (no lyrics today) – https://myspace.com/thomasiannicholas/music/song/anybody-home-67595522-74184386

I guess you get it by now. A lot of the songs on my playlist are about relationships, but not all. This one particular artist is an actor that was on American Pie and is now creating amazing music, like this song. He writes his own music, and his music is awesome.

As I listened to this song, I thought of my own relationship and of all the times in our partnership that one of us just left and shut down for a while leaving the other wondering if it was coming back. There was never a leaving the relationship physically, but emotionally, at times, the light just was not left on. Standing there “at the door” the other was left wondering what would happen. Fortunately, both of us are invested in this partnership – this marriage – that walking away would have been the easiest path.

But, we have been committed to stay – that is sometimes the hardest part of a relationship. Staying when the other has already left at times feels painful and hurtful, but staying proving the commitment tells the other that the heart is still there. Hard? You bet it is! But, in the end, if both are equally committed to make it work, it is worth it. What results is a new found relationship – one in which both are there, not just one.

What happens if one leaves or it just does not work? Then the attempt to stay teaches a valuable lesson and moving forward is the only path to take. For myself, we have both always decided to stay and fight and through the battle and struggle to regain our territory, so to speak, we found a newness that was not present before. That has made it worth it.

For my friends whose relationships have ended or are ending, the love and experiences shared will always be a part of their lives and something that will become a part of who they become. There is no wrong or right in whether you stay or leave. It just is and should never be compared to another. I can only speak for myself and what makes me stay and fight when one of us leaves emotionally. I remember the first time I laid eyes on him and I remember the first time he gave me that smile and that first kiss on the forehead. Yeah, it’s about that!

I Choose Love!

28 Feb 2014 2 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: being in love, choice, love, marriage, partnerships, relationships, staying together

Music of the Day – Walkaway by The Script

Links – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/script/walkaway.html

http://youtu.be/b31jx08y6To

Let’s talk about relationships – again! I shared yesterday that many of my friends are experiencing relationship issues. Remember?

Today’s music is one of those songs that, although there are some negative words sung, hits right at the reason we stay with someone we love even when things get rough. And, you can bet that they will. Believe me, I understand. I have been married for a long time, and we have had our times of greatness and joy and of disconnect and sadness, and we stayed.

I don’t know why she’s with me
I only brought her trouble since the day she met me
If I was her, by now I would have left me
I would have walked away
But now I’ve broken away
Somehow instead she forgave me
She said a woman’s got to do what she’s got to do

I have heard my partner say this many times, and many times I have wondered why he stays. We have agreed that we are either gluttons for punishment or just do not know any better, but we stay through the mess and through the dirty, nasty times.

I am going to bare my soul here in a way that I haven’t to anyone. But, I want to share with my readers – you! Just in case you are going through the same. There are times when I do not like my partner very much, just as I am sure there are times he feels the same. That very first mind blowing, heart stopping love? That fades in and out as real life issues come up – it’s a fact, guys! But the staying together through the worst times? That is a choice – period. The easiest, believe it or not, is to leave – to walk away. The hardest? Staying!

There are times when I look at my partner and wonder why I stay. And then there are times I look at him, and I see what I fell in love with to start off with. It is those times that get me through the others. It is those times that I realize just how important this relationship is to me.

We’ve been through a lot – he and I. And I have taken him on many journeys just as he has me. They have not always been great, but we’ve stuck together anyway. What have I learned? Well, I’ll share with you here and now.

Even though I may not agree or like what is happening, it is my choice to experience it and learn and grow from it. Buddha teaches us that life is struggles and that there is no bad or good – things just are. The bad and good depends on how we react or respond. Up to now, I have been reacting. I am learning to respond. My partner may not be completely in sync with my path, but I am supported from his heart. I choose to respond to that support.

That is what makes me stay. Granted, sometimes, it might seem easier to go it alone, but in the end, I would miss the guy that makes me laugh, drives me crazy, tells me I’m beautiful (even when I’m not), and loves me without conditions. It is a very rare love that he has for me as is mine for him. Today, I am grateful that he is my partner. Today, I choose love!

Fix the Light Bulb!

27 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: communication, love, marriage, partnerships, relationships, romance

Music for the Day – Say You Will by Foreigner

Links – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/foreigner/sayyouwill.html

http://youtu.be/pX2UIC5nM2I

So many people I know are going through relationship issues right now. I am sure that there is a real energetic reason, and I do believe that there is a lot to be said about the mindset of consciousness right now. We, as humans, are always looking for the bigger and better, and we are a throw-away society.

I saw a Facebook meme today that said, “If a light bulb is broken, you don’t buy a new house. You fix the light bulb.” Well, many light bulbs in relationships are broken right now. There is no secret that relationships are hard, and there are times when both partners seem to be on completely different pages and opposite corners. Most of the time, it is due to a lack of communication with each other and letting real life issues get in the way of maintaining the relationship. And it doesn’t happen overnight. Granted that there are times when both have just grown apart and the relationship has run its course. But if the relationship is fixable and there is hope, then fix the light bulb!

It is important to take a good hard look at what qualities drew you to your partner. Are they still there? Or are they hidden under some other issue that has risen? What about you? What mindset are you bringing to the table? Has life created what is impossible to rise above? Or are you just going through a change of attitude and lack of real communication? Have you both just gotten used to each other and don’t feel the need to romance and say what you feel?

How much have you invested in the relationship? Does it seem one sided? A lot of questions to answer, but they are all important ones. They are questions that are well worth the time to ask and answer for yourself before making a decision about your relationship. Only you and your partner can know for sure what is right or wrong for you both. No one else can tell you what the best course is, but know for sure that the time invested in working through your own inner thoughts is well worth it.

Maybe you are at a crossroads in this and need to make up your mind. This song, of course, speaks of the desperateness a partner feels when the other is unsure, but it can speak for you in any situation. Are you where you need and want to be? What can be done? Whatever decision is made, make sure it is your decision and not someone else’s. Make sure that you are listening to your own inner guidance. To do otherwise would be selling yourself short.

Be the Parade!

25 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: bliss, empowerment, feminism, joy, live, parade

Music for the day – Parade by Matchbox Twenty

Music Link – http://youtu.be/CvJDnvbnmH4

Lyrics Link – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/matchbox20/parade.htm

That feeling that if you look away, you just might miss something. Remembering parades, you ever notice that in the parade, you are always looking back to see what is coming? That’s how parades are, and if you look ahead, you just might miss something. But that’s a parade – not life. The only value in looking back is realizing the lessons that have been learned and understanding your “come from” so you can work on your “go to.”

It is in the letting go of that old song that keeps replaying. Why stay at a parade that’s over? What is the benefit? Rob Thomas sings in the song,

There’s so much more that you need to work out
Oh no
You don’t want that parade to leave you now

Let’s remember the song! Take it out and really look at why it keeps replaying in your head and in your life. What is it that serves you? What do you need to work out? If you are caught in the same parade over and over again, and you just don’t want it to leave you, there is a reason. There is something that is serving you staying long after the crowd is gone. Perhaps there is an old thought process that needs releasing. Maybe, just maybe, you’ve spent so much time at this parade that you don’t believe there is another one bigger and better. Or maybe, you don’t believe that you deserve a bigger and better parade. Or maybe, you’ve spent so much time watching the parade and not enough time in the parade.

Whatever the reason, meet it with no judgment. Meet it right where you are knowing that this parade that keeps playing over and over is there for a reason. As you are standing there watching the last float go by and last band playing, alone in your thoughts, maybe you just need to be in the emotion.

Don’t leave too early – not until you have worked out whatever it is you need to work out. If you leave too early, you may miss the biggest surprise of all. That surprise that shows you the joy and excitement of yourself. Once you realize that each and every parade in your life brings a special joy, you can walk away and enjoy the next parade. There are no bad parades – they are all there for you. So, maybe instead of sitting on the sidelines watching, it’s time to jump in the middle and participate! Become a part of the parade. Then it won’t pass you by at all. Maybe it’s time to let go of those old parades where you stayed long after they were over. Maybe, you are the parade!