Let the Thing Go!

03 Apr 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Music of the Day – Daylight by Maroon 5

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/maroon5/daylight.html

Truth time! And you have to be perfectly honest with yourself here – I am! Even though this song is about a break up between two lovers, the energy of the song reminds me of how we hold onto those things/events/stories that no longer serve us and bring us pain. Yeah, we get so caught up in our stories and attachments that we just don’t want to let go.

Examining our attachments to thing/event/stories shows us just how much we rely on the story behind them and just how much we create a perfection about them. We get so caught up in the victim/it’s their fault story that we don’t see how much these thought processes are holding us back from realizing our greatness/awesomeness!

And when we see, really see, just how destructive this story is, we still want to hold on just a bit longer – just one more day. Why? Because this Thing has become a part of our own story and we are attached to it thinking that without it, we just cannot exist. There is a stanza in the song that says:

I never want it to stop
Because I don’t wanna start all over
Start all over
I was afraid of the dark
But now it’s all that I want
All that I want, all that I want

Isn’t that what is so scary about letting this Thing go? Starting over – recreating ourselves – realizing our own self-worth, self-value, self-love without the story surrounding the Thing! Yeah, it’s a scary place to face. And as long as we stay in the darkness of the Thing/Story, we feel safe! We do not want the daylight to come because then we have to really face letting go of the Thing/Story. And yet, we know it is inevitable that we face the Thing and finally let it go – release it.
And so, we hold on just for a bit longer to make sure that we are ready, “Cause in the daylight we’ll be on our own!” Are you ready to be on your own without the Thing/Story? I know I am!

 

Join the Dance

02 Apr 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Music of the Day – My God is the Sun by Queens of the Stone Age

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/queensofthestoneage/mygodisthesun.html

Raw, power, energy – the Sun!

The Sun chases the dark away and brings light. The Sun illuminates the secrets that lie in the shadows. There is healing in the Sun. There is power in the Sun. There is untapped energy in the Sun. The Sun – the masculine power that can overtake the feminine, the Moon.

It is said that the moon is reflective of the sun, and technically that is very true; however, without the reflective power of the moon, the sun would be one dimensional. The Moon represents the Feminine aspect – the Sun is the Masculine aspect.

As a woman who honors and acknowledges the Goddess within her, I know that the Sun also holds Feminine qualities. Those qualities provide the passion, the fire for creativity. Without that fire, creativity cannot take place.

In my world, the Sun, besides representing the Masculine aspect, also represents the creative fire within a woman, and the Moon represents the shadow that is important for cooling and peace and the gestation for what is being created. The Moon is the womb where ideas and desires take root, are nurtured, are gestated before birthing. Out of the womb, the creation is birthed into the light where the Sun takes over with passion, fire, and healing energy. This is where the Sun and the Moon are as one – Masculine/Feminine aspects as one. The Moon needs the Sun just as much as the Sun needs the Moon. Both must have what the other offers to become the truth of their own aspects.

It is the perfect combination and synergy that both move together to create our passions and desires. It is the perfect combination and synergy that allow Feminine/Masculine to dance that most sacred dance. Dark and Light come together in the perfect cosmic dance that creates, incubates, and births the heart’s desires. Light and Dark join together to support and nurture the heart’s desires. Feminine/Masculine join together to heal the pain and hidden fears so that the creation came come into full fruition and realization.

What are your heart’s desires? Take what the Sun offers and allow the Moon to reflect the passions of your heart’s desires. Dance the Cosmic Dance of Lovers – the realization of Sun/Moon – Masculine/Feminine – Light/Dark – Dark/Light – Feminine/Masculine – Moon/Sun. Fire, Passion, Desire – it’s all a part of the Dance.

Did You Water the Grass?

01 Apr 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , ,

Music of the Day – Faded Away by Luke Bryan

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/lukebryan/fadedaway.html

Sometimes, in a relationship, especially a long term relationship, looking back at the very beginning brings memories flooding in about how it used to be. Two people meet, a spark ignites, and that most amazing chemical reaction occurs. Suddenly, it is as if there is no one else in the world, and the two become so focused on each other that nothing else seems to matter.

If the couple is lucky and decides to fall in love, then the partnership becomes about two people creating a life together navigating the sea of emotions that inevitably occur. Working through those emotions together can be ecstasy or agony, depending on the level of communication and dedication with and to each other. If the couple stay together, a partnership ensues, and hopefully, that partnership is a real commitment in which both work together.

Life then takes a very different turn, and events happen. Work commitments, family commitments, and life commitments can sometimes get in the way of continuing the first spark that brought the two together. If the couple remain dedicated and committed to each other, eventually, the partnership goes through a time of stasis. Nothing is particularly wrong, but neither is anything right. Both become complacent with each other and those little things that created the first spark fall by the wayside. At this point, the partnership becomes just two people sharing space together, and the way it used to be becomes a point of nostalgia and wondering if there is anything better out there. Is the grass greener?

This seems to be the pattern with baby boomer relationships and people in my generation. We fell in love, married, had a family, raised our family, and now the children are grown with their own families. The two are left wondering if that is all there is and if there could be more.
Ah, this is where the pivotal moment arrives. If both are feeling the disconnect, then separation may be the only answer; however, if only one feels the detachment, the other may want to fight. It is the fight that can bring the greatest reconnect. Remembering back to those moments of that first kiss, that first glance, that first embrace, and the first time together can bring those old feelings back. Then the question must be asked – is it worth trying again? Is it worth the work? Can our grass be saved? Will watering and fertilizer save it? The answer is not found quickly and must be reflected and asked many times.

If the answer is a “Yes!” then making the intent to fall in love again is the most amazing and fun way to re-kindle that old spark into a flame. Water and feed that grass! Taking the time to do those little things that feed a relationship – the touch of the hand; sending an “I’m thinking of you” text; turning off the television, computer, phone, etc. and really looking at the partner; taking the time to listen; taking the time to just being together – it is those things that become the catalyst for a new relationship.

Once the decision is made to stay together, take the time together to list old patterns that just did not work and came between the loving relationship. Making the commitment of refusing to fall back into old patterns is key to maintaining the newness just as committing to engage in new ways of keeping the love going. Rediscover each other and create new moments together. Relish these moments together because they are fleeting and fade away if not allowed to become a new history together.

Falling in love is a chemical reaction, but staying in love is a decision. Staying in love is a hard decision and hard work, and believe me, it is not for the faint of heart. Leaving is the easiest way to go, but it may not be the best for the people involved. Parting may be the best way depending on the couple, and it certainly is nothing over which to feel guilt, but if staying is what is decided, then a real effort and commitment is necessary to make it work. Communication is critical, and letting the other partner know what hurts or hinders the partnership is the most important act in which two people can engage.

What happens if the other just is not desiring to continue? That is a decision that must be made by both, and it is a decision that is very personal and never should be judged. But if both want to put in the effort, the rewards are incredible. There is a newness in love, and the couple can fall in love all over again, but this time, it is a decided effort in which both are committed to work and not just leave to chance. In the end, it is worth the effort, because there may not be better out there. There is a saying, “The grass is not always greener on the other side. The grass on this side is green because I fed and watered it.” Have you watered your grass today?

 

 

A Brand New Me!

28 Mar 2014 2 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , ,

Song of the Day – Brand New Me by Alicia Keys

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/aliciakeys/brandnewme.html

I admit that this was not the first song that my playlist played when I hit shuffle. The first song was about a love relationship that was broken and not fixable – something I have considered as of late. But, frankly, that song, while there were parts that spoke to me, was just way too personal and deep for me today. Not because I don’t want to look at the deeper meaning, but it just didn’t seem right. So, I closed my eyes, and hit shuffle again. Here it is! Brand New Me by Alicia Keys – just right!

So, there is a little soul baring here today. This song by Alicia Keys spoke so deeply and so profoundly to me that I just had to share what I felt in a huge and raw way. I have a story to tell today that I hope you will take the time to understand and just be with.

I married at a very young age – just out of high school. I went from being a teenage student ready to live and have fun to being a married woman not sure where her place was or even how to do this thing. I loved my man so much and had only known him for a short time, but somehow I just knew it was right. He was only 20 and I was 18, and I don’t think he knew what to do with this woman/girl who, unbeknownst to him, had an immense about of baggage yet to be discovered. And so, we married and set up house.

During the majority of our marriage up until the last few years, I held onto the old beliefs of what a wife was supposed to be – putting her man first, then her children, then herself last. And so I built my life around my family believing that I was doing what I was supposed to do. Oh, I had dreams, but those dreams were supposed to go on the back burner, right?

When my daughters were young, I became very ill, and during this illness, I remembered through a lot of painful parts of my childhood that were traumatic. I was honest with my husband and talked about it, and through his strength and love, was able to work through it. But that was only the beginning. Fast forward to a few years ago …

I have been subject to night terrors as long as I can remember, and one night, another huge piece of my childhood raised its ugly head. It was something that I had suspected, but had never faced full on. Again, through my husband’s strength and love, I was able to talk about it – somewhat. And yet, there was still so much missing from my memories. Until this past year …

Flashbacks and memories came flooding in one night while my man was away. It was a traumatic night and one that took me into one of the darkest nights of my soul I had ever experienced and I relived every ugly moment. Going through it brought a tremendous change – one that has changed me forever and created a “Brand New Me!” This change has also validated the necessity of my name change – something about which I have worked for several years, but not really realizing the exact reasons.

And now, here is this new me embracing all the pieces of me that have been fragmented and scattered for so long. With this new me, I am discovering parts of myself that I never knew existed. I have broken through the old patterns of thoughts and beliefs and have fully embraced me. This is also the scary part, because no longer are the old patterns serving me and no longer do I wish to make them part of myself. The actions that once I believed to be selfish I now realize are self-care and self-validating.

To say that my husband often feels confused is an understatement. Even though he says he loves this new me, I suspect that, at times, he is scared of who I am. I have always been strong, but there is a power in me now that demands to be set free. In building my life around him and my children, I left pieces of me buried – old dreams and passions. Those old dreams and passions are being raised from the dead, so to speak, to become actuated in my life here and now!

There are times when I wish I had learned this when I was younger, and there are times when I feel just a little regret for what I perceive, just for that moment, the wasted time. But, I am young still, and I am determined to experience life just as I dreamed. I know I have changed, and I know that my husband and daughters don’t quite know what to make of me sometimes, but I know that to trivialize this new me is to deprive my soul-spirit of love and joy.

I do not wish to become the bitter old woman who regrets not doing those things she desired. No, I desire to become the whole and complete woman – strong, powerful, full of joy and life! And this I share with you, my readers – my life as Renee is joyful, juicy, and bodacious, with no regrets and no apologies!

To my family and old friends that are confused and don’t know what to make of me, I leave you with the lines of this song:

I don’t need your opinion
I’m not waiting for your “OK”
I’ll never be perfect,
But at least now I’m brave
I know my heart is open
I can finally breathe
Don’t be mad
It’s just a brand new kinda free
That ain’t bad
I found a brand new kinda me
Don’t be mad
It’s a brand new time for me

It is my desire to experience this with you, but it is your choice. Know this – I love me and in loving me, I can, finally, truly love you!

 

Bring on the Rain!

27 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , ,

Music of the Morning – I Think it’s Going to Rain Today by Nina Simone

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ninasimone/ithinkitsgoingtoraintoday.html

This song has so much in it, and it would be easy to write simply about the evocative lyrics and their meaning. But I think it would be too obvious, and the obvious is rarely what comes to my mind in my writing, especially today.

While there is so much to write concerning how humans treat each other and those that have much less than others, and I am reminded that how we treat others is indicative of how we treat ourselves. I have found that when self-love is lacking, so is love for others. If we cannot love ourselves, then how can we love another? Impossible! And I am talking about real love for ourselves – not just a sound bite or perfunctory type of love – real, honest, raw love!

That is an obvious. Here is the not so obvious. What happens when we take a friendship for granted? Does that mean we take ourselves for granted? Yes, I firmly believe so. Here is why!

Each morning, we get out of bed, shower, dress – whatever our regular routine is. Then we go out the door to work, school, where ever it is we go to. We are the “Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles with frozen faces to keep love away.” We keep our heads down focused on what is coming for the day, not thinking about our own self-care or our own well-being. We take for granted the smallest acts of kindness for ourselves.

Self-care is not always about eating right, exercising, and getting the right amount of sleep, even though that is a big piece. Self-care to me is that quick look in the mirror and a smile at myself, taking the time to take a moment to breathe and appreciate who I am, and taking a moment to acknowledge all those things, events, people – stuff – for which I am so grateful!

When I take the time to do this, I treat my friends and people I care about so much better. I enjoy my day, and when something occurs that threatens to bring the negative thoughts in my life, it is easier to just smile and breathe.

The act of self-care and self-love means that I am in this life to live – not just exist. I want to invite love into my life – not chase it away.

Allowing the rain to fall, cleansing and washing away the surface “dirt” brings a fresh new start and allowing the rain to fall and feeling the newness and immense possibilities of a fresh new start brings me, and I hope you, the joy of life, the joy of love, the joy of friendship, and yes, the joy of loving myself.

I love the sun, but I say today, bring on the rain!

Lily Really Was Here!

25 Mar 2014 1 Comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Music of the Day – Lily Was Here by David A. Stewart and Candy Dulfer

Link to Music – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhSx8uKdD5o&feature=share&list=RDXhSx8uKdD5o

Stepping in to the power of being a woman and opening to the raw sensuality of feminine power, evoking the primal nature of the sensual in our lives is the very existent nature of being human – of being that creature. Today, listen to the music – there are no lyrics – create your own story of the sensual side of yourself.

The name Lily itself carries the meaning of a pure innocence which is what the very primal nature of a woman is – pure innocence – not innocence of the world, but innocence of what the world and man has denoted as shameful. You see, if a woman feels sensuality in its purest form, she is called names that carry shame and disgust, but that is what patriarchal rules created. Sensuality in its beginning was pure innocence – that feeling of raw emotion and raw pleasure that is not wrong or shameful at all. Rather, it is celebratory and real and a part of the human nature.

Sensuality in its innocent nature is an emotion of connection to the divine nature through the joining of two humans desiring for that moment of a raw bond to each other that surpasses any level of ecstasy and bliss. It is not shameful, but a beautiful union in which both humans for a moment reaches the nirvana of bliss in that one orgasmic moment.

Every lover desires its Lily, its pure innocent flower of raw, sensual, orgasmic link to each other and to the Divine nature within ourselves. Pleasure is not shameful or wrong. Pleasure is good and perfect. Allowing ourselves to be in that moment of Lily – that moment of paradise – that moment of nirvana – that moment of stepping in our sensual natures – that moment of opening and awakening to the raw sensual side of our humanness.

Awaken yourself to the sensual side (I love that word – sensual). Allow yourself to feel – really feel – the power of Lily – pure innocence of the world’s view of sexuality and sensuality. Know that Lily really was here!

lovers

Full Moon and (a different) Fire Ceremony

19 Mar 2014 2 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly

shamanictracker's avatarshamanictracking

fire artist Fire ceremony is powerful! As ancient as our human existence, it was a part of many ancient rituals and customs, such as rights of passage, and central to many celebrations bringing people together in a circle. Fire ceremony was, and still is today, an essential part of many shamanic traditions around the world.

Shamanic fire ceremony typically takes place around the full moon (and sometimes new moon) when  the veils between the worlds are the thinnest and lunar energy at its peak. Shamanic fire ceremonies are used for releasing what no longer serves us, for purifying the body, spirit, heart and mind, and for re-balancing and re-connecting . Fire allows for rapid transformation. Mastering fire is an important shamanic skill that takes much time and practice.

While beach vacationing in Thailand, I was astonished by how much the element of fire is present with the Thai island people, and tourists alike. From…

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She is all these and more!

18 Mar 2014 2 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Music of the Day – Dreams by Stevie Nicks

Link to lyrics – http://www.metrolyrics.com/dreams-lyrics-fleetwood-mac.html

Stuck in my own mind of visions of the girl I left behind so long ago.  She was put into a box, safe and secure, locked up for eternity, I thought.  But she cried and pleaded, the longer she was locked up.  She would not quiet her inner storm – longing to be free and become what she was meant to become.

And so, She wants her freedom – I will not deny that any longer!  Instead, I unlock the lock, open the box, and let her free.  She comes out shyly at first, wary of the world of which she is so unsure.  Is it safe?  At the first sign of trouble, she quickly re-enters her box of confinement – missing the known safety and unsure of what she may experience out there.  Out there, where the big, bad monsters conjured in her mind for so long could exist.

She opens her heart and with timid baby steps, she ventures to the unknown.  There is pain, but not like she felt in her prison.  This pain is something that can be held, examined, used for another time. She feels a burning within her – a shivering deep within.

She does not go back into the box.  Instead, she squats on the ground, waiting just as her primal Mother before her. Anticipating something – she knows not what it is.

Suddenly, an opening and her wings burst forth.  She feels the fire of longing and passion beneath her feet.  She stands – opens her arms, her wings.  And out of the fire, she soars – the phoenix rising from the ashes.  She flies into the air and the storm clouds head on – no fear.

Thunder causes her to tilt her wings, lowering back to the ground.  She lands on the mountaintop and waits, in silent knowing, that her time is now.  The rain comes but does not destroy her feathered wings – she is cleansed from the old fears and the old somber warnings. She knows – she understands – she accepts – she embraces.

She is no longer a prisoner – she is free! Free to be wild and true!  Free to become the magnificence of phoenix, yet this time is different.  She will not consume herself again.  This time she walks, flies, soars, swims, runs, and plays.  She is

            C – Coyote

coyote

            R – Raven

raven soaring

            O – Owl

Owl

            W – Wolf

wolf

She is all these and more!

From the Ocean

17 Mar 2014 2 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: , , , , , ,

Music of the Day – K’ai – Song of the Mermaid by Lisa Dancing Light

Link – https://play.spotify.com/artist/3BkSz15mFjDJYKI6YzOhTi

yemaya2

I am of the ocean – a child of Yamaya – a child of the water.  As a child of the ocean and woman of the water, I sing my song today to those women before and those after who stand in their strength.

For the ocean is movable, strong, and powerful and yet invokes tenderness and love and nurturing.  For it is of the water we are created, gestated, born and it is through water that we realize our tenderness and power.

From the ocean, we move.  From the ocean, we stretch and move into what we are to become – in our fullness, our truth, our power.  It is the waves of Momma Ocean that carry us to where we become – Our Selves.

 

Stuff from my Introverted World – Bye Bye Barbie

15 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly

I am reblogging this instead of the Music of the Day. This is so important as women to teach our daughters. As someone who struggles with body image, I appreciate seeing a movement that is promoting healthy bodies over supermodel bodies. All women are beautiful, and we need to support that!

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