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Look in the Mirror

12 Jun 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: beauty, dancing naked, love, mirrors, self love, self value, self worth

Music of the Week – Mirrors by Justin Timberlake

Link to Music/Lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/justintimberlake/mirrors.html

There was a meme that showed up on my Facebook timeline this morning that said, “If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror.” This song by Justin Timberlake is another reminder of the truth of that statement.

We all have been in the place where we look outside of ourselves for that one person or one grass-is-greener moment that will bring into our lives what we want. And all along that person is the one staring back at us in the mirror.

What do I see when I look in the mirror? I see a woman, strong and independent, yet full of love and passion and joy. For the most part, that is how I feel, but I admit that there are times when I wish she would just put her hand out and yank me in. That is when life brings a hit-in-the-gut moment that just throws the proverbial 2×4 into my head.

What I realize in those moments is that the woman staring back at me in the mirror is worth far more than what outside forces would have me believe. That woman is the most amazing creature in the world, and I am fortunate that she is me! And in that moment, I know that those I let into my world are, indeed, fortunate to know me.

Not because I have some overblown ego or some unrealistic view of myself, but because I have knowledge and wisdom and life events that have molded me and made me who I am. Because I have had challenges in my life and have overcome them to become the amazing me that I am. And because with each event that occurs in my life, I take the lesson needing learned and allow the emotions to be embraced and experienced.

It is this moment of my life that I choose to share my innermost feelings and thoughts with you, those that take the time to read Dancing Naked. So, with that I say to you, Look in the mirror! Find that most amazing you that really is there. There may be times when you do not see the perfection of you in that mirror, but it is there. Allow it and allow yourself to experience what is in your life.

I am really understanding and loving the woman in the mirror, and I do not want to lose her. I refuse to lose her, and I will not allow anyone or anything to take her away from me. How about you? Will let you let your mirror image go or will you embrace it for all its worth?

The Spark of Living

02 Jun 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: comfort zone, dancing naked, desire, fire, passion, power, self love, self value, self worth

Music of the Day – Into the Fire by Sara MacLauchlan

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sarahmclachlan/intothefire.html

I have settled many times in my life for what I believed was the “right” thing to do – that which caused the least resistance and calmed the waters. And when I have done that, it is my own inner storm that rages inside building until the thunder rolls. I settled into an existence – not a life – because that was what was expected.

I often felt the fire creeping up, beckoning me to jump in experiencing fire and passion – life.

I say no, and I look back to see what I might have missed. Often I look back with regret knowing that I may have missed something that would have brought a spark of life into my very beingness. The times I have said yes were magnificent. So why say no?

Fear, moving out of my comfort zone are the only answers there are. I no longer wish to play it safe and do what others expect. I no longer wish to keep the waters still. Don’t make waves? Hell, no! I’m moving into the fire! I know there are risks, and I know that I will be pushed past my comfort zone, but it is into that fire that I become purified – whole. It is the fire that reignites what has been extinguished long ago.

I am an ever evolving woman and the masks that hid my safe place are falling off and burning away in the fire. I am becoming the me I want to be. It may be difficult for those around me that see me as they wish to see me, but they will become accustomed to me. At least, the me that no longer plays it safe. The me that lives her passion. The me that does not get burned by the fire but is filled with desire – with heart passion – with the spark of living!

Here Comes Another Spring!

30 May 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: Another Spring, dancing naked, diabetes, love, nina simone, self love, self value, self worth, Spring

The Music Today is – Another Spring by Nina Simone

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ninasimone/anotherspring.html

I’ve reached an age when the children are grown and have their own families. I am fortunate in that they all live very close, so we are still a close family. I think we always will be. But, in this age I have reached, there are things that I am experiencing that I did not expect.

I admit this latest experience has thrown me for a loop, and there have been moments when I wondered, just as the old woman in Nina’s song, why I still bothered. And since that day last week when I got the call from my doctor, there have been moments when I questioned if this was some ridiculous karmic debt that had to be paid. Of was this some kind of cosmic joke to see just how strong I really am.

And then, I stop to think about my friends who have allowed me in the last few days to talk, empty, cry, rail, rant, and most of all hold me in their hearts. While my experience is not what a lot of people experience, it is mine. And it is something I did not expect. And the naysayers can talk and laugh and say I’m over reacting, but you know what? This is my experience and it is something with which I will live for the rest of my life.

This is not about the experience, it is about being grateful for my friends. Being grateful for people in my life who hold me in their hearts. Being grateful for my art with which I sort all kinds of emotions. Being grateful for family that knows and allows me to be frustrated but holds me anyway. Being grateful for my writing that allows me to sort through the words I want to say to express my heart and my vulnerability. And most of all, being grateful for the beauty and amazingness of me! My body may not function the way I expected, but it is working still and I can go on to dance, play, sing, paint, write, and be!

And like the old woman in the song? Here comes another Spring!

Raw and Vulnerable – Dancing Naked

29 May 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: dancing naked, empowerment, Growth, love, self love, self value, self worth, shadow self

Music Download for today – Seven Lives by Enigma

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/enigma/sevenlives.html http://youtu.be/A2s4PXq8F1M

“Seven Lives” by Enigma

Traces, many faces
Lost in the maze of time
Blinded by the darkness
That’s the start of the seven lives

It’s too close, but still too far
Follow your inner guide
Show us who you are (are, are)
In these seven lives

Follow your inner guide
Show me who you are
In these seven lives

It’s too close, but still too far
Show me who you are
In these seven lives

We all have many faces – those we share with the ones that are the closest and those that are hidden. What happens when the hidden faces emerge into those that are open? The shadow side becomes exposed, raw – out there for everyone to see. The trick is … Do the ones that say they love us really love us for all that we are? Or do they run and hide when hidden faces show those pieces of us that have been in the shadows for so long?

It is a given that those that stay without a question are earnest in their words and feelings. What is not a given is do you stay with yourself when those hidden faces emerge through the shadows, or do you run and hide from your own truth?

That is the most difficult to do sometimes. The challenge is to take each of those faces and really look deep into the eyes. Where is the belonging? Where is the home? The doubts – the fears – the scaries – they will all emerge sometime. What do you do when they come out to play?

Well, for me, I give them their own names and personalities and write them in books or paint them on a canvas. I look at their personalities and ask where the belonging is. Is the belonging to be a part of me or shall I hold and embrace that part of me and let it go? To be sure, there are faces that are scary or scared, but there are those that need to be a part of my life and a part of my beingness. Those? I give birth to, nurture, and if the time comes, I let it go. If it is to remain a part of me and my life, I love it as a part of myself knowing that this is what molded me into who I am at the given moment of time. It could change tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, or in years to come. It matters not because I am ever changing, ever evolving, ever becoming. I believe that when I stop, then this life will be over.

At this moment in time, several faces have emerged that have created a need to take another look at what I need. Some are difficult and have been buried for many years, even from the one that is the closest to me, and as I navigate through the exploration and realization of this part of me, there are some thoughts and feelings that just cannot be expressed. There are specters that appear attempting to undo what I know has been great growth. To those specters, I open my arms wide so that I can become who I am meant to be, finally.

And this is the whole point of Dancing Naked – open, raw, vulnerable. Take it in. Hold it. Love it. Tell it everything is all right.

Meet Baubo!

19 May 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: Baubo, beauty, danciing naked, divine masculine, feminism, Goddess, sacred feminine, Sacredness, self value, self worth, spirituality, women's spirituality

Meet Baubo, the Belly Goddess! She is here to remind us that a woman’s sexuality is not a thing of obscenity and shame, but a powerful, creative, sacred place in which dreams are realized and created. We are all mothers that become impregnated with the seeds of our passions and dreams. We gestate those seeds and nurture them until they are ready to birth. Then we open wide and give birth to our fullness and our passions and our Beings!

We are Baubo, and in our bellies, we create, enjoy, and dance in wonderment at our beauty.

For centuries, we as women have been cast as seductresses and wanton creatures bent on the taking men down to a base level of beingness. It started with the story of Eve and has continued from there. The reality is that even Jesus loved women and held the women disciples in high regard, but men were jealous of our spiritual nature and our creative nature and continued the story of the evilness and dirtiness of women.

But the Sacredness of our own natures will not allow us to continue to believe that paradigm. Baubo reminds us of our beauty and that our sensuality is not dirty or base. Our value does not depend on what man says we are. Our value depends on what we know deep down inside. We are beautiful, nurturing, loving, and sensual. And we are good!

Whatever the Hell I Choose!

16 May 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: Camille, camille renee harper-wylde, dancing naked, empowerment, fire, love, Renee, self discovery, self love, self value, self worth

Music Muse – Into the Fire by Sarah McLachlan

Link to Music/Lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sarahmclachlan/intothefire.html

I started changing – evolving – finding myself – about 6 years ago. One of the changes I knew that needed to change was my name. So many attachments and fears were attached to that old name, but back then I was unsure how that change would take place. After a few years of this name and that name and trying out how each felt, one appeared in my mind that, at that time, seemed perfect. But in the last three years, even that changed.

What I discovered is that as I opened myself to all of the possibilities and all of the personalities of my selfness, so did the way I accepted myself. I am a firm believer that words, especially names, have great power.

As I listened to today’s music, Into the Fire, images were conjured of my struggles since the decision to change my name and the fire that has become a part of my being – burning away the old dross and purifying the new to embody what I had always held so deep within but kept buried in the camouflage of my masks.

Once I had accepted my new beingness and thought the name that had attached itself was set, BAM! Another change! So, I have come to this place of knowingness that comes from a deep longing and soul searching.

I have leapt into the fire. I feed the fire. I return to the beginning and those words that were spoken to me so long ago by parents that did not understand how powerful words are.

There is no compromise any longer – no acceptance of what others say I should be. I may still carry some of those old fears attached to my original name, but I have rested in the cleansing waters of the Mother. Those old fears? Now I lovingly embrace them because that little girl I left behind still needs to be held and comforted. She still is afraid of rejection and abandonment.

Abandonment. Ah, that’s the word that causes her to stir. But, as I take on all that my newness brings, there is a quiet strength that brings her comfort. Words that quiet her flames tell her that she is beautiful and even if those around her who do not appreciate her completeness and scoff at her struggle to find that piece of her that was lost so very long ago, she is perfect and whole. She is not broken – she is whole, lovable, and valuable. For those that cannot see that? They are not a part of her world any longer. She can make that choice. I can make that choice.

So, when I am asked by those naysayers and scoffers and those that do not understand, “So, what is your name today?” I say, “Whatever the hell I choose!”

All Work and No Play

28 Apr 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: dancing naked, heart, love, marriage, relationships, sacred partnerships

Music of the Day – What I Wanted to Say by Colbie Caillat

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/colbiecaillat/whatiwantedtosay.html

Sometimes the worst thing is not saying what needs to be said for fear of how the other person in a relationship will receive what is said. Confusing? It sure is, and when those words are not spoken and left unsaid, we are left with the emotions that are conveyed in this song.

That being said (pun intended), it is also important to honor what we are feeling inside. A very wise young woman (I can say that because she is about 20 years younger than me) wrote an amazing insightful post today that if there is work involved in a relationship, then it is not a real relationship. After reading her post (thank you, Courtney A. Walsh), I paused to think about this.

Then, of course, because that is the energy with which I find myself today, Colbie’s song showed up on my shuffle playlist. So, here is what I know about this whole relationship thing.

When one partner no longer is all in, or when one partner takes the relationship for granted believing that regardless of actions or lack of actions everything will be ok, this is where work comes in. What happens is that the other either moves from a loving heartfelt place into a place in which change and adjusting to the other’s attitude, and this is work. And this is where the relationship is no longer a living, breathing, heart place, but a place that becomes tiring and hard and difficult. When both partners are all in and do and say those little things that mean so much, then work is not required. It becomes play and fun and heart felt!

This is when it moves from being a daily workplace to an honoring and sacred relationship in which both are all in and want to play. Understand, that when those little things that are challenges are thrown in the path of both, because they are all in, those little challenges do not become gigantic walls that either have to be blown up or climbed over – work! The question now has to be asked – can both look at each other and laugh and enjoy and play? Or do they have to adjust to the other’s attitude? Can they both just be in the moment together with honest love and just holding?

Yeah, relationships shouldn’t be work – they should be play – together!

What will you not say today? Can you just take the chance and say what is in your heart? Or will you just sit quietly, stew in your own juices, and say, “I should have done something?”

Simply Am

17 Apr 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: broken, courtney a walsh, dancing naked, fixing, Healing, human, love, self value, self worth

Music of the Day – If I Knew by Bruno Mars

Link to the music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/brunomars/ifiknew.html

This past week the message has been about knowing that we are not born broken and that we do not need fixing. This is an old paradigm that was taught to us from the beginning of the god of control, not the god of love. And it is an old paradigm that needs ending to move into one that acknowledges all parts of our selves – even those that were brainwashed into our heads that we are not whole.

Courtney A. Walsh, a writer I greatly respect, posts a lot of wisdom on her Facebook page about this subject, and I have to attribute the following image to her.

This particular song conveys a message of regret for things done in the past, but for me it speaks volumes of letting the past go. Know that in each given moment of time, we are always exactly where we are to be, learning and experiencing exactly what we are. Sometimes, it is so painful that it feels as if the very heart and soul are being ripped open, but it is through the ripping open that we can embrace ourselves and experience. The healing that spews forth from that heart space and from letting go of past judgments and whatifs, is what we create ourselves.

I compare healing not to fixing anymore, but to embracing all the stuff and making it my own. The judgment of good and bad should not even be a part of my consciousness since there is nothing broken or needing fixing. Instead, experiencing even the pain and loss – the hurt is part of our experience here.

I do not have any unequivocal answers to all of this, and there are days that I have very little wisdom. But on those days that I hold wisdom? Those are the days that I embrace each and every part of me. Those are the days that I allow myself to be whatever or whomever I am that day. These are the days that I simply am!

Reborn and Renee

14 Apr 2014 Leave a comment

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: chasing you, dancing naked, joy, love, power, reborn, Renee

Music of the Day – Chasing You by Capital Cities

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/capitalcities/chasingyou.html

Ever feel like a hamster on a wheel running and running to nowhere in particular, and yet, you keep running and chasing. Today’s music is absolutely perfect for what I am releasing in my life, and I want to share with you, my readers, just how important the lyrics to this song are.

I almost don’t need to add anything here, but, you know me, I will.

I have spent my life chasing “something,” did not know what, but “something.” I have always had the feeling that what I was seeking was just out of my reach, and just as I reached that “something,” it was snatched out of my reach once again. That is until this year. Up to now, the chase was the “something.” I just didn’t realize it.

Today, I am here to tell you that the “something” was grabbed a few months ago and the chase is over. Now it is the dance with the “something” that is important. What is the “something?” ME!

Yep, I have been chasing me! I was there all along, came out in my Sunday best, and ran again just as I thought I had found me. I was stuck in a loop, on a wheel, thinking that I was broken and needed fixing. Always looking outside of myself for someone or “something” to fix it.

And … I am not broken, I do not need fixing, I am me! In my Amazingness, in my Awesomeness, in my Vulnerability, in my Anger, in my Love, in my Joy, in my Desires, in my Passions. In Me! I stand now full of myself and my being – not accepting compromise, not accepting any judgment, not accepting any talk or thoughts that would attempt to take me away from me.

So, I say to my readers, and to the family and friends that wonder all about why I have so latched on to the change of names over the years. The old is buried with love for all that she taught me, the new is here, reborn and Renee!

The Second Time Around

08 Apr 2014 2 Comments

by Camille in My Thoughts Exactly Tags: dancing naked, love, love/lust magic, lust, magic, relationships, slow dancing in a burning room

Music for the Day – Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer

Link to music/lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/johnmayer/slowdancinginaburningroom.html

So many times, especially in long term relationships, we hide behind what we thought we should be. We hide behind the fake smiles and fake laughs and fake faces when we know that connection is lost and love is hard to find. Is there a time when two people who love deep just stop?

Love, real love, is a choice. That first meet, early play feeling that we call love is just a chemical reaction, but oh, how that early love can draw us in and create the illusion of lasting chosen love. Yeah, we all have heard it before – love takes work. And, yes, it does! But that chemical reaction is so important to creating the desire to choose love.

Relationships are hard and without the kick ass, body shaking, heart stopping love/lust magic, it makes it harder. Seriously, why choose to stay in love if there is no chemical reaction or reason to stay in love.

Here is the reality of the whole thing. If the magic is gone, and both realize it, then decisions have to be made. Do you stay as is, or do you move on? Can you stay as is? That is probably the hardest question to answer. If the answer is yes, you stay, then you are already prepared for the work ahead.

Just as in the song, honest, raw emotions and feelings have to be shared. Turning to each other to share, really share, inner deep thoughts and heart wrenching words is what may be the deciding factor.

Instead of slow dancing, how about picking up the beat a little? If the choice is to stay in love, then I say, instead of recreating what is broken just to keep the slow dance going when the room is on fire, start over with each other. Start that process all over and fall in love/lust magic all over again. Leave behind the old memories of what blocked the magic. If necessary, write down all those things that got in the way and burn it! Get rid of it! Start over.

Create a new first date and create the new thrill of love/lust magic. Do some sexting with each other during the day. Create some excitement. And don’t let anyone get in the way of creating a new relationship – a new love.

I’m here to tell you – it’s better the second time around!