Dancing Naked

My Music Muse – Hold On by Sarah McLachlan

Link to Music/Lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sarahmclachlan/holdon.html

My last post was the day of my knee replacement surgery, and it has already been five weeks. Time has gone by so quickly. I have missed my readers and sharing my raw, open, and naked self with all you.

First, I am doing great and moving forward quickly. I was thinking this morning during my usual morning cup of coffee that I have experienced so much in the last five weeks and really needed to share with all of you. So, after dressing and doing my rehab exercises, I came to work in my studio/office. I opened my playlist on the cloud, hit shuffle, and here was this song, Hold On by Sarah McLachlan.

The opening lyrics, “Hold on, Hold on to yourself for this is gonna hurt like hell” is really the only phrase to open what has been brought to the open for me during this time. I am not talking about the physical pain, although that has definitely been a new experience for me. No, I’m talking about the pain of realizing that this event of three is the culmination of what I have been avoiding for a very long time.

In my blog before surgery, I shared that I have lived my life based on fear and that this surgery is the epitome of the final step of moving forward for me. No longer basing decisions based on fear, but moving forward bravely and with courage.

And it has “hurt like hell!” But through this all? I would not change a thing. You see, even when we decide to shed those old beliefs and move forward, Source (or whatever you chose to call it) gets busy and circumstances and events come into your life that make way for the new. It can be so painful, and there are so many times when we wonder what the hell is going on. Haven’t I had enough? But, the desire to move forward is much stronger than the comfort of staying where I was.

This is a tug of war between two spirits within me. Dark and Light? Frankly, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the one spirit knows she needs to move on and the other was (notice the “was”) staying where the comfort is. To quote the song,

At the crossroads I am standing
So now you’re sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
that you’ll be strong tomorrow and we’ll
see another day and we will praise it
and love the light that brings a smile
across your face.

The strength that is within me pushes me forward, and the smile and joy that moving into my passion brings is far beyond what I could imagine. And so, with faith and the support of those around me that get this? I move forward to the world I have imagined and created.

And now playing is Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds – apropos! “Don’t worry ‘bout a thing!”